Can I please be happy? (Phan)

Authors note :(

I am so sorry again guys. I have been really slow on updates and I want to tell you that I am trying my hardest to update but I am having some trouble. I just have some questions for you guys and I need to tell a personal story to get it off of my chest.

I don't mean to make excuses, but i fear that I must because I am loosing my mind. I am down to one meal a day and I am still fat and I am being bullied at school. No matter how hard I try to just let it go, it isn't working. I get stared at, I get kicked in the foot and I hear an 'ew, I don't like you.' Every time i walk past a certain person. I feel isolated and I feel constantly terrified because if anyone even tries to talk to me, they get the mean looks also. I don't even know what I did and no one will tell me. I have been trying to go to the guidance counselor, but she isn't doing anything. It seems like she doesn't care anymore.

Now it seems like it got a lot worse. There is a guy at my school that everyone (but me) likes. He is out of everyone's league and he seems like a bad boy if you don't get to know him personally. But if you know him enough, you see that he is a very awkward nerd that is simply nice to everyone even though he has deep things going on in his mind. Well this person that hates me a lot happens to have a crush on him and they are friends.

So here is what happened from my point of view. I think it all started a week ago when I was holding the door for the whole eight grade as they all came up from lunch. The guy that a mentioned earlier stops and stands next to me with his arm almost around my shoulders to hold the door and he said "you go ahead, you are so nice to everyone you need a break." So I said that i was gonna hold the door anyway because I like being nice. So than he smiled at me and got comfortable in his place with his arm around me and said that he isn't moving because he is determined to be the nicest person in the world. I said that I wasn't moving either because I want to be nice and hold the door for him. So we ended up staying there for about five minutes just standing there and talking about how we are determined to stay right here. The whole time I felt like someone was watching me.

I heard next period that the girl that hates me ran out of her classroom crying. I felt really bad and I wanted to help her but she didn't let me. She started telling everyone that I was trying to ruin her life again.

Then yesterday before a performance, we were listening to my teacher give us some pointers and I was sitting completely alone. There was at least five seats between me and everyone else. So he came up behind me and put his hands on my shoulders to startle me and get my attention. He climbed over the seat next to me and asked why I was all alone so I said that there was no real reason why even though there was a reason. So we talked for a while. We didn't talk about anything in particular but we just talked until he asked me the real reason why I was alone and I simply said that it was because a lot of people hate me. He pouted at me and put his head on my shoulder. I wanted to tell him that is was dangerous and that people would start to hate him if he talks to me but I didn't say anything.

So the rest of that day he was standing with me and giving me hugs and lifting me up and saying that I was doing a good job in the performance. All the while we were getting mean looks as if we were stabbing puppies and laughing about it. I don't notice and I started to feel happy. I wasn't in fear and I felt like I was finally free, but that was not the case. We were both being watched.

After the performance he went to talk to the girl and say that she did a good job but she put her hand in his face and turned and walked away before he had a chance. He later found out that she hates him now and I said that I was sorry. I told him that I was sorry for not telling him that a girl and her whole group would hate him if he tried to talk to me. He said that is was fine and he doesn't care but I don't want him to suffer like me. I don't want him to be hated just because he was trying to be nice.

I went home a cried because I am ruining people's lives. I just want to be loved but I am beginning to think like I am insane and I did something that I didn't know that I did. Maybe I deserve this. Maybe people shouldn't talk to me and I should be alone. That is the only explanation at this point. Maybe I don't deserve to be happy again.

Anyway, this is the part where I ask you guys questions. I have a bad case of something like writers block. I hate everything that I write and I need new ideas. I can give you one hint of something that I want to write next. I want there to be something about Abby in the hospital and includes something about the rude receptionist. But I need you guys to tell me what you want to see happen next. It can be a fluff scene or you can add and altercation or you can have someone meet someone somewhere, it just can't involve Willow because I already knows what happens to her.

I would really love for you guys to leave ideas right here.

Thanks. Have a good day. I will be okay and it will work out and I bet you will be okay and anything troubling you will work out also. :) I love you all. <3