Red vs Blue (Male OC Insert) [Being heavily overhauled]

Season 9 Chapter 14: Son of a Bitch

Fade in to Tex and the Blues overlooking Red Base. Also, a t remor

Tex: Okay, pick one.

Church: Any one?

Tex: Well, preferably one on that side of the canyon. But uh, I'm not all that choosy.

Tucker: Why are you lookin' at me when you say that?

Tex: No reason. Just pick one and take the shot. I'll cover you if they attack.

Church: You mean, shoot them with this?

Church holds up the sniper rifle

Tex: What else?

Tucker: Uh-huh-uhuh, he's really not that great with that thing.

Tex: Give me a break. You're a soldier.

Church: Yeah well that's debatable.

Tex: Hit the rock over there.

Church: Okay...

Church fires twice and misses twice

Tex: Eghuh...

Church: Yeah see uh I think the sun reflected off the rockface there and-

Tex: Just give me the damn rifle.

Church: Yeah okay, thanks.

Cut to Donut and Lopez

Donut: Hey Simmons, did you hear that?

Tremor

Lopez: Sí. Sonaba como un rifle.

Caption: Yes. It sounded like a rifle.

Donut: I'm sure it's nothin'.

Lopez: Por qué dices eso? Esta es una guerra.

Caption: Why would you say that? This is a war zone.

Donut: Good point Simmons. Back to work.

Back to the Blues

Tucker: Dude, this has to be embarrassing for you.

Church: I don't really wanna talk about it.

Tex: Alright come on, it's not that hard. Which one should we take out? The pink one, the orange one-

Caboose: Pretty sure he's yellow.

Tex: Is it me or, does he seem a little slow?

Tucker: Yeah Caboose was held back a grade, or two.

Tex: I meant the orange one.

Tucker: Uh hoho... yeah he's just fat.

Tex: What about the red one? I mean he's the leader, he seems tough. Or maybe the maroon one, he looks like he's up to something.

Church: Uh yeah I don't know I can't really decide which one, maybe we should put it to a vote.

Tex: You know what screw it, the maroon one is closest. We'll just shoot him.

Tex targets Lopez's head and fires immediately

Lopez: Ow!

Lopez is taken out

Church: Uhuhuhuhh... nice shot.

Tex: Thanks.

Cut to Donut and Lopez in pieces

Lopez: Mierda.

Caption: Shit.

Donut: Oh my God! Simmons! How did this happen!