Red vs Blue (Male OC Insert) [Being heavily overhauled]

Season 1 Chapter 18: SPF 0

Church, Caboose and Tucker are standing over Church's body

Church: I am not happy about this.

Caboose: I have an idea. ... ...I have an idea!

Tucker: Yeah, we heard you the first time, Caboose, we were just ignoring you.

Caboose: Since you possessed that red guy, and took control of him, why don't you just possess your own body?

Church: Oh I see, so that way I would be living inside of my own dead body.

Caboose: Yes.

Church: Unable to move, just, laying there, rotting in the sun for all eternity.

Caboose: Yes.

Church: Okay Caboose, I'll be sure to get right on that.

Caboose: I think you are a mean ghost.

Tucker: Dude, you really stink.

Church: What?

Tucker: Your body, it stinks.

Church: Tucker, the first chance we get, you are going to bury my body.

Tucker: Quit your bitching, nothing's going to happen to it.

Church: It's a freaking indignity! My body fought hard for this army, and it deserves to be laid to rest.

Tucker: Get over it, you're already dead. What's the worst that could happen now?

Caboose: Hey, Church, look, birds! Why are they flying around in circles?

Church: Nuh, God.

Cut to Grif and Simmons on the red base

Grif: Okay, I'll go again. I spy something, that begins with...

Simmons: Dirt.

Grif: Damn! How did you-

Simmons: Well, because you did rock last time. That's all that's out here, is rock and dirt.

Grif: Yeah, this canyon sucks.

Back to the blues overlooking Tex working on the tank. Caboose is holding the sniper rifle

Church: How long do you figure until Tex fixes the tank?

Tucker: Not much longer, she said it's going pretty well. The gun's almost working, and then she'll get it moving again.

Church: Oh, that's just fantastic.

Tucker: Why would that upset you?

Church: Because as soon as she gets the tank online, she's gonna use it against the reds, and they're all gonna die.

Tucker: The reds dying is a good thing.

Church: No Tucker, it's not a good thing. As soon as we beat the reds, Tex is outta here. And I still haven't figured out a way to get that A.I. out of her head.

Caboose: A.I.

Church: Shut up, Caboose. And if I don't get it out before she leaves...

Tucker: If she leaves you won't ever find her again.

Church: Right.

Tucker: So what're you gonna do?

Church: I guess I'm gonna do the only thing that I can do. I have to warn the reds before she fixes the tank.

Tucker: You're switching sides?

Church: Sorry guys. I don't have much choice.

Caboose: Church, uh, wha, what happens when the reds out here, to stop Tex, and then they come also with guns and they find us?

Church: I'll try to help you as best I can. Good luck guys.

Church fades away

Caboose: Does this mean I should try to kill Church now?

Tucker: I tell you what. Kill me. I promise not to come back.

Caboose: ... Hey! Look at this! (focusing on Donut)

Tucker: No.

Caboose: They have, a girl. They have a girl!

Tucker: A what?

Caboose: A girl, a girl! Look, pink armor!

Tucker: Oh man, how come they get a girl?

Tex: (from below them) Uh, you guys realize that I'm a chick, right? And that I'm standin' right here?

Tucker: Yeah Tex, but when we say a girl, we mean a girl girl.

Tex: And what the hell does that mean?

Caboose and Tucker: Nothing! (backing up from the edge of their ledge)

Tucker: Wait a second. If Tex heard that, do you think she heard Church's secret plan to warn the reds about her?

Caboose: I don't know... but I think I know how to find out.

Caboose steps back up to the edge of their ledge, looking down at Tex

Caboose: Hey... Tex! Uh... Did you hear Church's secret plan to tell the reds that you were fixing the tank?

Tex turns back to the tank, then Caboose backs up to join Tucker

Caboose: I don't think she knows. ...Unless she can read minds... She can't read minds, can she? ...Can you hear what I'm thinking?