Red vs Blue (Male OC Insert) [Being heavily overhauled]

Season 4 Episode 72: Getting Debriefed

Fade into Grif talking to Sarge ...or Sarge talking to Grif, depending on your viewpoint

Grif: You wanted ta, see me, Sarge?

Sarge:    Yes Grif, I think it's time we buried the hatchet. Started workin' more closely together.

Grif: Say what? Isn't that like a sign of the apocalypse or something?

Sarge:    As you know, I've never liked you. Not even a little bit.

Grif: Really.

Sarge:    You've always been lazy, insubordinate, and I suspect that underneath that helmet, you're probably extremely ugly to boot!

Grif: No argument here.

Sarge:    Over the years I've been so disappointed in your work, I've slowly stopped giving you things to do. Most days, I forget ya even exist.

Grif: Yeahhh, it's been a good run.

Sarge:    But I think we all need to realise that Simmons, is not comin' back. Red Team is just gonna have to make due with the few worthless soldiers we have left.

Grif: Wait, didn't this start out as a pep talk?

Sarge:    We may never know why Simmons left-

Grif: Yeah, maybe he was overwhelmed by all the positive reinforcement you give out.

Sarge:    But the fact of the matter is we're at war! If we're gonna win this thing, we need to work together! We need to put aside our disgusting laziness and our constant attempts to kill each other in our sleep.

Grif: I've never tried to kill you in your sleep.

Sarge:    Dammit Grif this is a compromise. I realise I'm gonna have to give up some things as well.

Cut to Simmons walking up to the Red base, with Donut standing on the portcullis?

Donut: Halt! Who goes there?

Simmons: Donut, it's me.

Donut: Oh right, you. Whadda you want?

Simmons: I wanna talk to Sarge. I just found out some info. Wait, why'm I answering your questions?

Donut: I said hold it!

Simmons: What's your problem, Donut?

Donut: Sarge told me not to let anyone in the base, and I'm pretty sure "anyone" includes the enemy.

Simmons: I'm not the enemy.

Donut: Oh please, you're dressed in blue! F.Y.I. There's kind of a theme around here. You're blue, I'm red.

Simmons: More like pink.

Donut: I have a gun?

Simmons: Okay, okay. I only dressed like this to trick the Blues.

Donut: You helped the Blues.

Simmons: And fooled them.

Donut: You knocked Sarge out. Twice!

Simmons: Once again Donut, to fool the Blues. ...And to work out some unresolved issues with father figures, but look just go ask Sarge, he knows it's me. Hell even Grif knows it's me.

Donut: Oh sure, everyone knows who you are but me.

Simmons: No, the Blues don't know either.

Cut to Church and Sheila

Church: Hey Sheila where'd that Simmons guy go that was spyin' on us?

Sheila: I don't know, why don't you go ask your new jeep?