Red vs Blue (Male OC Insert) [Being heavily overhauled]

Season 3 Episode 50: Silver Lining

Fade in to the bomb, counting down the last few seconds to 2:00

Grif: Howh, just two minutes left.

Sarge:    Men, I don't want this to sound pessimistic, but I'm absolutely certain we're all gonna die!

Simmons: I think that that's a totally objective assessment of the situation, sir.

Tucker: (hitting the window shutters with the ultimate weapon) What if we just beat on these window shutters together, we can get 'em open.

Sarge:    No, that would be the coward's way out. Fruitlessly trying to escape instead of accepting your own fate!

Tucker: (jumping up in the now open window) But I can see daylight!

Sarge:    It's true. Only a miracle can save us now.

Ghost: I hate you guys sometimes.

Cut to the computer with Church

Computer: teleporter complete. slightly behind schedule.

Church: (with a white beard all the way to Tibet) You know, it might have gone a bit faster if you hadn't spent so much processor time telling knock-knock jokes.

Computer: knock knock.

Church: Enough. Do you have the coordinates to send me to Blood Gulch or not?

Computer: yes. do you have a plan yet?

Church: I've been standing in this hallway thinking for a thousand years. I've had time.

Computer: and?

Church: Well, the main thing I need to do, is keep myself from dying.

Computer: (with a glaring typo) thats a given.

Church: And since all our problems stem from O'Malley jumpin' from Tex to Caboose, all I need to do is prevent her from dying too.

Computer: because you secretly love her.

Church: Oh don't start that again. All I need to do is kill that pink guy that sticks the grenade on her.

Computer: sounds easy.

Church: Well, I have knowledge of everything that takes place beforehand, so, as long as I don't interfere too much, or get spotted, should be a frigging breeze.

Computer: ready to transport.

Church: Okay, let's do it. Goodbye... computer. Compu- you know what, you'd think I would have come up with a name for you in these thousand years.

Computer: it's gary. but thanks for asking. see you in a few hundred years.

Church with a beard all the way to Tibet teleports away, and is instantly replaced by Church with no beard to Tibet running up to the same spot

Church: Computer, you've got to send me back!

Gary:    to blood gulch? you just left.

Church: No no no not to Blood Gulch, to Sidewinder! Man I totally screwed everything up!

Gary:    how?

Cut to Blood Gulch, with Sarge constructing Lopez's lower half

Grif: (in the Red Base) Hey Sarge!

Sarge:    What now?

Grif: Command's on the phone, they want to talk to you about some kind of upcoming delivery!

Sarge:    Dag, nabbit! I'm never gonna finish this mechanized robot at this rate! I'll be right there. Now don't you go anywhere Lopez... Hee hee heh heh.