Red vs Blue (Male OC Insert) [Being heavily overhauled]

Season 2 Episode 31: Room For Rent

Tucker looking at Tex in Lopez's body, with Sheila behind her... it... whatever

Tucker: Well Tex, that was a great story. I especially liked the part about Church getting pantsed in high school.

Church: I found that part to be entirely outta context.

Tucker: But I still don't get how we're supposed to stop the A.I.

Tex: I don't remember much from the implantation process...

Fades to some lab with all sorts of devices and machines

Tex: I do remember that the A.I. can be transmitted from host to host, by way of the helmet radios. Before I learned anything else, the A.I. took over and we escaped.

Fade back to the blues

Tex: If we can kill the A.I. and not give it a place to jump, we'll beat it.

Church: And then I can have my body back. Deal?

Tex: Deal.

Church: Alright. Tex and I will possess Caboose then. Ghost, Tucker, we need you to work on the reds. Get 'em to turn off their helmet radios, so that O'Malley won't have anywhere to go, once we get him outta there.

Tex: Right.

Tucker: What? How the hell am I gonna do that?

Church: I don't know, come up with a plan.

Tucker: Come on, you know how I feel about plans.

Tex: You're not gonna have much time once we get in there, so move fast.

Tucker: Oh I see. You have no idea what I should do or how I should do it, but whatever I do I should do it fast.

Church: Yeah that's right.

Tex: Yep.

Tucker: Wow, you guys are a lot of help.

Church: Try shifting your paradigm. Think outside the box.

Tucker: Hey, the box is there for a reason. I like thinking inside of it. I feel safe in there.

Ghost: I got an idea, trust me. I know them, this plan will work.

Tucker: Wait, you do?!

Ghost: But our ears might bleed afterwards.

Tucker: I instantly don't like it.

Ghost: It'll be fine, I have a back up plan... just in case the first one actually fails... it should, but it's good to be prepared.

Church: Okay Tex, ladies first.

Tex: Yeah right! You think I'm gonna leave you alone out here with your body?

Church: Bitch.

Tex: Nice try. Leonard.

Church: Hey Caboose!

Caboose: (turning to face Church) Huh?

Church: Heads up!

Church runs up and enters Caboose's body, then Tex leaves Lopez's body and enters it too

O'Malley: Noooo!

Scene flashes to the inside of Caboose's mind. Tex is black again, and Church is a lightish ...grey

Church: Where are we?

Tex: We're inside Caboose's mind. Now we just have to find O'Malley and kill him.

Church: Man this is kinda weird.

Tex: It's hard to get used to, I know.

Church: No it's not that...

Fades to Caboose's body saying Church's words, in Church's voice

Church: ...it's just this place is a whole lot bigger than I thought it would be.

Tucker: Caboose, are you okay buddy?

Caboose: This place is a lot bigger than I thought it would be.

Tucker: Oh...kay. I'm gonna take Sheila, Ghost, and Lopez and figure out some way to get the reds to shut off their radios.

Caboose: Where should we start, Tex?

Tucker: What?

Ghost: It's just Church and Tex talking. Caboose will be here for awhile.

Tucker: OK.

Fades from Caboose to Church, in Church's voice

Church: I said, where should we start, Tex?

Tex: Just keep your eyes peeled. (Tucker comes down the ramp behind her) I guarantee,

O'Malley will come looking for us.

Church: Hey Tucker, is that you?

Tucker: No, what are you, stupid? Oh wait, yes, I am me. I guess I'm stupid.

Church: What're you doing in here? (in the background, someone runs up a long ramp) You're supposed to be out there working on your part of the plan!

Tucker: Do you have any food? I love to eat all the food.

Church: What the hell? What's the matter with you?

Tex: This isn't really Tucker. We're in Caboose's head. This is Caboose's mental image of Tucker.

Mental Tucker: Man I am so unbelievably stupid!

Church: Well that's great. Everyone we meet in here is bound to be as brain-dead as Caboose then.

Mental Caboose: I would not be so sure of that, Mister Church.

Fade to the red base, Grif and Sarge talking

Grif: Great idea sir, I finally agree with you.

Donut: Hey guys, we might have a problem here. Somebody, and I'm not gonna say who, might have though that one of the cyborg parts we needed for Simmons' surgery, was a cup holder. And somebody, not naming any names here, might have left it, along with their favorite smooth jazz compilation CD, in the Warthog. I just don't know who would do such a thing.

Grif: Was it you?

Donut: Yeah- uh- no! (clears throat, then lowers voice) I mean, no! ...Dammit!

Sarge:    Grif. You and easy listening stroll on down to retrieve that part from the Warthog, post-haste!

Grif: Sir, do you think it's safe to be outside the base right now? For all we know, the blues could have already fixed their tank. They could be advancing on us as we speak.

Sarge:    Ah, corn dogs. Even with Ghost & Lopez helpin' 'em, it'll take them months to get that tank online, much less to get it movin' again.

Donut: I hope you're right, because if I see that tank headed towards me, I'm totally gonna freak out.

Camera zooms across the Gulch to Tucker in front of the tank, with Ghost & Lopez beside it

Tucker: Man, I sure hope they don't totally freak out when they see us coming.

Ghost: Trust me, they're gonna freak out.

Valkyrie: I'm gonna start recording it.