Red vs Blue (Male OC Insert) [Being heavily overhauled]

Season 2 Episode 29: Radar Love

Grif and Simmons on the red base, looking down at Sarge and the Warthog

Grif: Is it just me, or does this jeep seem like really bad luck?

Simmons: Yeah. You know, now that you mention it, it does seem like every time we get in to the damn thing, it breaks, or explodes, or goes crazy and tries to kill one of us. And now Ghost is missing!

Donut: Maybe we should try exchanging it for a few motorcycles. No wait wait wait, a big tank like the blues have. That thing never seems to have any problems at all.

The blues, near Sheila

Church: Alright, that's the deal mister robot. You fix our tank, we'll let you go free.

Caboose: I thought the plan was to trick him in to fixing the tank, and then Church will take over his body again when he is done.

Tucker: Yeah. But you don't tell the person you're tricking what's going on, Caboose.

Caboose: So if I'm the one being tricked, then you would not tell me what is really going on?

Tucker: Why would we trick you?

Caboose: Oh I think you know.

Lopez: ¿Dónde yo iré?

Caption: Where will I go?

Lopez: Mis amigos quieren matar me.

Caption: Even my friends have tried to kill me.

Ghost: I didn't...

Lopez: a excepción de fantasma

Caption: Except for Ghost.

Church: Okay, I'm gonna take that as a yes, aaand let you get busy with tank fixing.

Lopez: No tengo hogar.

Caption: I have no home.

Ghost: Here I'll help out...

Lopez: Gracias mi amigo.

Caption: Thank you my friend.

Ghost: No problem.

Back to the reds, everyone except Grif around the jeep. Grif is ON the jeep

Grif: Aw crap. Hey uh, they got two guys fixing their tank.

Sarge:    Impossible! Our intelligence clearly states...

Donut: We have intelligence?

Sarge:    That the only soldiers in this canyon with mechanical training, are that dead freelancer, Ghost, and Lopez, oh wait a minute.

Simmons: Sarge, are you thinking what I'm thinking? Lopez runs away, the jeep starts driving itself, and suddenly there's a new guy on the blue team? And now Ghosts gone missing!

Sarge:    Yes Simmons, I am. Quite obviously the blue team has constructed some kind of diabolical mind control ray beam, that they used on Lopez and Ghost, and now they has to do their evil blue bidding!

Grif: Or, since he's a robot, maybe they just reprogrammed him and Ghost is helping.

Donut: Or maybe, that blue guy who got killed by the tank, came back as a ghost, and now he's possessing Lopez's body. That could also explain why Sarge went nuts when we had the prisoner; the blue ghost probably possessed him too. And the jeep going nuts was probably just a weird set of coincidences, while the guy learned how to use Lopez's body. But Ghost leaving and helping them was correct.

Grif, Sarge and Simmons:    ...

Simmons: I think I like the ray beam idea better.

Grif: Yeah rookie, your idea sounds a little dumb.

The blues, Caboose is jumping up and down next to Sheila

Caboose: Hurry hurry hurry, fix the tank! So that I can say hello to Sheila.

O'Malley: And start killing everyone!

Tucker: You mean all the reds, right?

Caboose: Of course!

O'Malley: For starters! Well maybe except Ghost.

Church: Come on, how much longer guys?

Lopez: Completo.

Ghost: We're done.

Sheila: (powering up) Thank you for activating the M808V Main Battle Tank.

Caboose: Sheila! You're fixed! You're fixed.

Sheila: Hello Private Caboose. It is good to see you again. Thank you for repairing me.

Tucker: He didn't fix you, a robot and Ghost did it.

O'Malley: Don't cock-block me!

Tucker: Dude, come on.

Sheila: Robot? I wasn't aware that our squad was outfitted with a robot... Wait did you say Ghost?!

Lovey-dovey music as Sheila looks at Ghost

Caboose: I don't like where this is going.

Sheila: It's good to see you again Ghost it has been a while.

Ghost: It has Sheila, how are you feeling?

Sheila: oh, I feel wonderful thank you for asking!

Ghost: That's good, also this is my friend his name is Lopez. He was one of the ones that help me fix you so fast.

Sheila looks over to Lopez while he is staring at her With lovey Dovie music going on in his head

Sheila: Hello there. My name is Sheila. The M808V Main Battle Tank.

Lopez: Y yo soy Lopez, la pesado.

Caption: And I am Lopez, the heavy.

Sheila: Lopez. It's a pleasure to meet. You are good at fixing things.

Caboose: Ummmm yes. Well Ghost & Lopez has to go now. They were just here to help me fix you, and now he has to go away!

Tucker: Dude, this is getting weird. Church, will you take your fucking body back?

Church: Roger that.

Lopez: No!

Caption: No!

Lopez: Hegakergerk!

Caption: Heauegerkergerk!

Lopez's body is shaking

Tucker: You okay in there Church? Church. Hey what's going on? Do I need to flip your switch?

Church: (fading back in) What the... that wasn't me! What the hell's going on here?

Tex: Well. Buenos dias cockbites. Guess who's back.

Valkyrie: well, I was right about Tex taken over Lopez's body after church, left it.

Ophelia: yeah, you totally called it.