Red vs Blue (Male OC Insert) [Being heavily overhauled]

Season 1 Chapter 6: 1.21 Giga-Whats

Grif is looking through the sniper rifle, next to Simmons and Ghost, at Donut with the blue flag

Grif: Oh crap... It... it's Donut. And he's got something... (zooms in, sees it's the flag) It looks like... Simmons, get the Warthog.

Simmons: Heh, you mean the Puma?

Cut to Church running up to Donut, weapon drawn

Church: Freeze!

Donut: Hey, why the hell are you shooting at me? You coulda hit me, dick!

Church: Can it. Don't try to play stupid with me, Sarge I know who ya are. We've been spying on you for three weeks now.

Donut: I just got here two hours ago. And I'm not a Sergeant, I'm a Private.

Church: Wait a minute you're not the Sergeant!

Donut: Yeah, that's what I just said.

Church: Well then how the hell did you manage to steal our flag?

Donut: Steal? I have no idea what the hell you're talking about!

Tucker emerges between them, through the transporter, his armor covered in black stuff

Tucker: THREE!

Church: JESUS!

Donut: HOLY SHIT! Who is this guy?

Church: What in the hell!? Tucker? Is that you?

Tucker: How did you get up here ahead of me?

Donut: And what's with that black shit on your armor?

Tucker: Hey. Freeze Sarge!

Donut: Would you stop calling me a Sergeant, I'm still just a Private.

Tucker: The Sarge is still a Private? Oh. My. God. The teleporter sent me back in time.

Cut to Ghost, Grif and Simmons getting in the jeep, with upbeat polka-ish music playing

Grif: Sorry Lopez, we need the jeep.

Ghost: I got shotgun.

Simmons: I'll take gunner... (takes gunner) ...let's roll. (they drive off)

Ghost: Don't worry Lopez, I'll make sure they bring her back in one piece.

Grif: How do you turn off the fucking radio in this car?

Ghost: I don't know, Lopez is the only one that's been working on it... From now on I'm going to help him.

Back to Tucker, Church, and Donut

Tucker: Look, I know you don't know me, but you have to believe what I'm about to tell you. Some time in your future I get stationed here in Blood Gulch, and we meet. And this guy here, he gets promoted to Sergeant of the Red Army, and we spy on them. And they get this new jeep, and I'm like "There is no way you can pick up chicks in a tank!"

Church: Tucker? What the fuck are you babbling about?

Tucker: I know all this sounds crazy, but he eventually becomes a Sergeant, and then one day we get a tank, and he comes and steals a flag while we're distracted.

Donut: Is this guy a retard?

Church: (Jeep's music gets progressively louder during this speech) Red? Shut up. Tucker? Listen to me. Ya haven't gone back in time, okay? This is the guy who stole the flag, he's just not the Sergeant. Turns out, he's just some dumb rookie, who happens to have the same color armor as him. He got in somehow, just g... for God's sakes, WHAT IS THAT MUSIC!?

Warthog jumps over the hill barely missing Church

Grif: Woohoo!

Ghost: Die blue!

Tucker: Holy shit!

Church: Son of a bitch! Run! Jesus! Run!

Tucker: The jeep followed me back in time!

Grif and Ghost hop out of the Warthog and starts firing at Church and Tucker as they run away. Simmons is yelling and firing at them. What he yells throughout Ghost, Grif's and Donut's conversation is underneath it

Church: Ah! Git! The ah! Eeh!

Grif: What the hell is going on here?

Donut: You know what, I honestly have no idea what's going on. I think everyone in this canyon is absolutely insane... Well except for Ghost, he's literally the only sane one here!

Ghost: Finally someone realizes it... Also thanks... (muttering) You die last.

Donut & Grif: ... What.

Ghost: ... What... Anyway, how did you get their flag?

Donut: I don't know, I just asked for it.

Grif: Wait, that worked?

Donut: I guess. Is it not supposed to?

Grif: I don't know, we, we never even thought to try that.

Ghost: Honestly I think they're dumb... Just take the flag to the base, I got your back and I'll explain there.

Donut: Not until someone tells me what the fuck is goi-

Grif: There's no time to explain, rookie! Just take the flag, and go to base! Ghost will make sure you're there safely and he'll explain on the way

Donut: Fine...!

Donut starts running through the Gulch

Ghost: Hungh, back to our base, dumbass!

Donut: Uh, I know, I just got turned around, that's all.

Donut and Ghost run back to red base

Simmons: That's right! That's right, I got your ass! Get off your ass and run, you cock bites! Right now! Yeah, not so pretty when you gotta run are you! Yeah, that's right. Stay there. You know where your flag is? We're gonna get you! Come on! Don't be a wimp! Come on, blue! Come on, get out there! I've got a whole barrel of love to shoot you with! Come on! Get out now! Yeah, come on out! I know you like this! Come out where I can get you! Come on! Don't be a wimp! Come on, blue! Be tough, get out there!

Cut to the Rookie looking at Church and Tucker through the sniper rifle

Rookie: Oh man, that's not good. (pans the rifle to the jeep) Oh my God that jeep has a really big gun.

The Rookie puts down the sniper rifle

Rookie: Stay here... Tank... Stay here... Tank... Ah, screw it. (runs off to the tank)

Cut to Church and Tucker behind the rock. Simmons is still firing and yelling at them.

Church: Well, we'll just wait here. That thing's gotta run outta bullets some time...

Simmons: Yeah, get going, take that! I know you like that there, come out! Come here! Poke your head up! Come on blue! Get your head out there!