Red vs Blue (Male OC Insert) [Being heavily overhauled]

Season 9 Chapter 4: Evacuation Plan

Fade in to Tucker and Caboose on the cliff

Caboose:    What happened.

Tucker:    One of the Reds just shot Church in the foot.

Church:    Ow, that fucking hurt!

Tucker:    Do you think we should try to help?

Caboose:    I don't really see how we can, I can't really get a clear shot at Church from this angle.

Cut to Church and the Reds

Church:    How, man, you guys are a bunch of dicks. I just got this foot.

Simmons:    Four minutes left.

Church:    I just want to say, you guys are all mixed up. You're doing it wrong.

Donut:    Doing what wrong?

Church:    This! Your team. Like, where's Grif?

Donut:    He's in the base, cleaning up. He loves to keep things tidy.

Church:    Naw-no no no, see, that's not right, this isn't the way things are supposed to be. They got all confused somehow. Grif isn't tidy at all, he's filthy!

Simmons:    He's gonna wash his hands for a week if he hears you say that.

Church:    Grif, come on, get out here man!

Grif:    I'm doing my second coat of floor wax. That's when the shine comes to life. I'll be out in a minute!

Church: What about Ghost?

Simmons: He's inside sleeping.

Church: ... What?

Simmons: He is the lazy one of the group, but when you need him he will always help.

Church: Wh- What! That makes no sense he is a walking doomsday bomb ready to explode.

Donut: Oh hu!

Simmons: Stop it.

Church: Ghost, get out here!

Ghost: No, I'm fucking sleeping!

Church:    Ugh, Sarge, come on, be Sarge, yell at them. Get them out here.

Sarge:    Why would I yell at a subordinate? Seems unfair to yell at someone who can't yell back.

Church:    What that's su-what?

Sarge:    Hey, sorry about calling you fellas subordinates-

Church:    That's so lame.

Sarge:    No offense meant.

Donut:    None taken, boss.

Simmons:    Actually, kinda like being talked down to.

Church:    Okay, seriously, Sarge, come on. You love being in charge, tell these guys to, like you know, shape up or do somethin'.

Sarge:    Well, I guess they could be doing a better job.

Donut:    How?

Sarge:    Hgh, I just want you guys to feel like you're reaching your full potential.

Donut:    I know I am.

Simmons:    Me too.

Donut:    My potential is so full, I feel like I could fill up a couple other soldiers' potentials.

Simmons:    God dammit, mine is just the regular kind of full.

Church:    And Donut, come on, man. This isn't you. You're supposed to be, you know free spirited. Not some kind of repressed over-achieving jarhead.