Red vs Blue (Male OC Insert) [Being heavily overhauled]

Season 9 Chapter 9: Captive Audience

Church: Yno- okay okay, it's like when a computer tries to solve a problem. Do you know what recursion, is?

Caboose: Yeah I, I love that movie.

Church: No no it's like, it's like the thing where a computer tries a number of different iterations to solve a problem, then when it gets to the end, it returns all those solutions back up the line to the first iteration, and then it has its solution. Does that make sense?

Tucker: You're saying you're a computer.

Church: No no no, no, actua- well actually yes, yeah sort of I'm actually, I am, a computer, kind of I'm, well I'm a computer program.

Tucker: But your foot is bleeding.

Caboose: And your breath kinda stinks. You know I, I wasn't gonna say anything before but you know since we're, all telling the truth about each other...

Tucker: Caboose you're an idiot.

Caboose: Well I didn't realize how much words could hurt until it was my turn. I don't think I wanna play this honesty game any more.

Church: No I- I'm a real person in here because this is all constructed. By memories of the person that I'm based on. Same as me - I'm all the memories of that guy.

Tucker: Who is that?

Church: It's another program called Alpha who is, kind of a dick. And he was based on a guy named The Director. Who was, also, kind of a dick.

Tucker: Well, I can see you're continuing with grand tradition.

Church: Yeah, I'm very proud.

Tucker: It's quite a lineage.

Caboose: I grew up on a moon.

Church and Tucker: Nobody cares.

Caboose: You're all just jealous.

Tucker: And this girl who's coming is that original guy's girlfriend.

Church: Yeah I think I don't remember exactly.

Tucker: I thought you were that guy's memory?

Church: No I'm the other guy's memory, the middle one.

Caboose: Did he have a girlfriend?

Church: No- wait. E- maybe.

Tucker: Dude, I don't know how any of you got any girlfriends spouting all this sci-fi bullshit. You guys ever talk about football for God's sakes?

Church: Look, I just know I'm supposed to meet this girl, and I'm supposed to fall in love.

Caboose: Yeah, and then what happened?

Church: I don't know! We, we do whatever people do when they fall in love.

Caboose: I'm asking a specific question; you should give me a specific answer.

Church: What are you taking notes?

Caboose: No. ...maybe.

Church: My job, is to solve this problem, or pass it along. That's it.

Tucker: So you follow this girl down through the levels of the memory iterations, and you basically try to figure out how to make things work. Even though she doesn't like you.

Church: She likes me she's just sh- you know-

Caboose: Mean.

Church: Yeah, thanks Caboose. She's mean.

Caboose: Yeah it was an easy guess. You know 'cause all girls are pretty much mean.

Tucker: Can I just say, this might be, the creepiest stalker scenario I've ever heard. And I've made a few myself.

Church: What?!

Tucker: You kiss a dead girl through a memory, and every time she escapes you, you either follow her down to the next set of memories, or resurrect her in some way. Only to do it all over again.

Church: That's not stalkerish that's... romantic.

Tucker: You know what the difference between stalking and romance is? Romance happens in movies. In real life, it's called stalking.

Caboose: Well maybe all of this is happening inside of a movie.

HISSSSSSS

Tucker: Tc, oh please, who the fuck would watch that movie? All we ever do is stand around and talk.

HISSSSSSS

Tucker: Hey you dropped your grenade.

Church: That's not mine. Caboose, pick that up.

Caboose: I'm not allowed to carry grenades, remember? Because of that one exploding time?

HISSSSSSS

Caboose: Which was no one's fault.

Tremor

Church: Well I didn't drop it. Tucker, count yours.

Tucker: I have a readout on my helmet dummy, I don't need to count.

HISSSSSSS

Church: Oh right. Well it has to be somebody's.

HISSSSSSS

Tucker: Fuck, somebody threw a grenade at us, didn't they.

Church: Yeah, we probably should have figured that out sooner, right?

BOOM!

Everyone: Aah!

Cut to Project Freelancer, with North talking with Wash

North: Hey Wash, wait up. Listen, I heard you had a meeting with Internals.

Washington: Oh, you did?

North: Yeah, do you mind if I ask what it was about?

Washington: Hm, not really supposed to talk about that.

North: Help me out here... I'm still getting heat about using equipment in the field.

Washington: You did? Really? Without a pipeline back to the Command server?

North: I had to improvise. We had a problem.

Washington: Let me guess, are you related to the problem?

North: Okay, now I don't wanna talk about it.

Washington: Equipment in the field. Y'know don't forget what happened to Utah during training, you're lucky it didn't kill you.

North: If I was lucky, I wouldn't have needed to use it at all.

Washington: Well, you can relax. Internals didn't ask about you.

People start running past them in the hallway

Washington: It was something else, lots of questions about the insurrection and, transmissions coming out of our-

One of them bumps into Wash

Soldier: Sorry Sir.

Washington: Hey, what's going on? Soldier, where is everybody running?

Soldier: New agent, squaring of against Maine, Wyoming and York on the training room floor. We're going to watch! Hey guys, wait up!

North: Three on one?

FILSS: Five, four...

Washington: I gotta see this.

FILSS: Three...

North: Yeah, right behind you.

FILSS: Two, one, round begin

Cut to all three of them running at the new agent, and getting smacked back in one swing. It's Tex! And you get to wait until the next Chapter to see what happens cause cliffhanger!