Red vs Blue (Male OC Insert) [Being heavily overhauled]

Revelation Chapter 7: And Don't Call Me Shirley

Grif: I think this should go on his permanent record.

Simmons: Oh just go get the fucking jeep jackass.

Cut to Tucker on the pillar, and the Reds drive off in the background

Tucker: Hey, where are you guys going!? Wait! Gah, dammit! Hey guys, listen. I know you want your supercool piece of technology back. Those guys just took off. Probably to look for it. If you let me go, I can track it down for you, and bring it back. No? Okay then, forget it. Oh my God look, a next gen smartphone! Can you believe they'd leave that just layin' around?

The aliens turn to look, and Tucker jumps off the pillar and starts his motorbike

Tucker: Fooled by the old prototype trick. Classic. Well, seeya bitches I'm outta here. What the- out of gas? Hey uh, you guys have any gas?

Weapons cocked...

Tucker: You know what? Fuck it, I'm just gonna run.

Well, Ghost, The Girls, Church and Caboose have arrived... somewhere

Church: Alright, I think this is it.

Caboose: This? This doesn't look like anything.

Church: Yeah. It's not supposed to, that's kinda the idea. Come on, this way.

Caboose: Man. You really need to clean this place up.

Ghost: It's supposed to look like this so no one will find it.

Church: Guys!

Caboose: Coming!

Ghost: Yeah, yeah.

Church: Come on. Oh yeah here we go. It's this way.

Caboose: My this way or your this way?

Church: There is no- it's the same this way. Okay yeah, this is, it. I think.

Caboose: It's a wall. We came all this way for a wall?

Church: Caboose!

Caboose: Sorry.

Behind them, on a tree, a screen comes on

Caboose: It's a really, great wall.

Ghost: Can both of you just turn around.

FILSS: Hello. This is a private facility. Visitors are not welcome. Please leave immediately. Or, we will be forced to take lethal measures, to ensure the safety of our property.

Caboose: That is great.

South: God dammit.

FILSS: You have thirty seconds to comply, or die. Have a nice day!

Caboose: Sheila? Is that you?

FILSS: No. I am the Freelancer Integrated Logistics and Security System. You may call me FILSS. It is a pleasure to meet you. You now have, fifteen, seconds to live.

Church: Whoa. Dying sounds like a bad idea. Maybe we should leave.

FILSS: Oh my, the Director. I am so sorry, I did not recognize you Sir. It has been such a long time since you have visited. You look very different.

Church: Talkin' to me?

Ghost: Of course she is.

FILSS: Yes. You are the Director of Project Freelancer, are you not?

Church: Oh uh, yeah. Of course, that's- totally me. I just haven't been around because I've been, doing, you know... Director stuff. Can't really get into it. Secret project.

FILSS: How may I assist you today?

Church: Can we uh... Can we come in?

FILSS: Certainly.

The wall opens in front of them

FILSS: Please watch your step.

Caboose: Kinda spooky in there.

Church: Yeah... Why don't you go first?

Caboose: Me?

Church: Well I mean, you're the one with, the gun, and everything.

Caboose: Yeah, but the tree seemed to like you best. Uh hey Sheila could you-

FILSS: Are you speaking to me?

Church: We're just kinda used to calling you, by that name? Um, maybe you should just answer him when he calls you that. Probably easier for you to change than it is for him. He's kinda dumb.

FILSS: Alright. I will respond to that name as well. You are the Director after all.

Church: Right. I am.

Connie: Well... let's see what you been working on... "Director".