The Binding String

T H I R T Y - E I G H T

"But that's what I did last time and he murdered my faith mercilessly." Her mind argued back leaving her in a dilemma. Ishita rubbed her head unable to think anything straight and buried her head in a pillow going insane. She dialled Raman's number another time and received the same robotic message of number is switched off again. Ishita remained laid next to Roohi thinking about her and Raman's relationship, realising it's too hard for her to leave him now and the message is just sent by someone mistakenly. Ishita opened her message box and read the unknown number, she copied the number on truecaller but got no information about the user. She kept her phone back and kept staring at the ceiling of her room when the voice of Roohi's coughing caught her attention.

"Roo." Ishita whispered her daughter's name who was coughing continuously in sleep. Ishita rubbed her back softly thinking her coughing stop and she did not wake up but after a few minutes when her coughing got vigorous she took her in her arms and started to rub her back.

"Mumma." Roohi called her mother's name with difficulty and Ishita lit the lights of her room.

"Kya hua beta?" (Are you fine dear?)

"Mumma mera gala….it's paining." (My throat is paining Mumma.) Roohi was half sleepy and unable to speak clearly. Ishita nodded her head in affirmation and made her drink water. 

"It will get fine dear. Aap Ko sardi hui hai na isliye khaasi uth rahi hai. Aap let jao." (It's paining because you catch cold but it will get fine dear.) Ishita consoled her little girl and took her in her arms, hoping her coughing get better with time as she already gave her prescribed dose and skeptical to give her another dose of cough syrup but even after ten minutes when Roohi coughing didn't stop she gave her medicines and took her little body in her arms back. "Mumma please turn off the air conditioner." Ishita creased her brows listening to Roohi's words and immediately checked her temperature and only found her body slightly warm. She hurriedly took out the thermometer and found Roohi's body temperature rose slightly than body temperature. 

"See I have turned off the air conditioner." Ishita mumbled the same in half sleepy Roohi's ear concluding that Roohi's body temperature rose due to the cold and cough she had. She kissed Roohi's head lovingly and caressed her cheeks. And time started to pass, Ishita's mind started to revolve around the same issue she was thinking earlier, the months she spent carrying doubt if her marriage is actually going to work with Raman or she will end up carrying the same fate as her mother.

YEAR 2015
AUGUST 

The three months had passed since Raman left Ishita alone and vulnerable that afternoon and he didn't try to make contact with her once even in these months. Ishita  who never showed her tears to anyone this time chose to shed her tears in the four walls of her apartment. She was broken and scared with everything, in these years she started to become emotionally dependent on Raman, despite having lots of differences she believed that he is the one with whom she wishes to spend her rest of the life and when he left her alone she started to feel like a part of her body left her. She didn't know how to name the feeling but she was scared with the thoughts of being left alone, or spending her whole life without Raman. A togetherness brings dependency and Ishita realizes she badly relies on Raman and she realised the same when she was physically and emotionally away from him.

In these months Ishita had told no one about what made Raman go away from Delhi in a jiffy because everyone knew that Raman planned to gift Ishita a foreign tour as her PhD completion gift. Ishita never missed Raman this much as she was missing him now. The physical distance never bothered her as they always stayed emotionally connected but now Ishita started to feel she started to lose everything she had. It was such an evening when Ishita was sitting gloomily after returning back from university, she tried Raman's number which came unreachable again and she threw her phone angrily letting her helpless tears to flow down from her cheeks. Ishita hugged her knees close to her chest feeling depressed with everything going around and at same time her helplessness for unable to tell the same anything to anyone. Ishita was sitting silently when a doorbell rang and she ran towards the door hoping her husband returned back.