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If it's what you truly want ... I can wear her skin over mine. Her hair over mine. Her hands as gloves. Her teeth as confetti. Her scalp, a cap. Her sternum, my bedazzled cane. We can pose for a photograph, all three of us. Immortalized ... you and your perfect girl.
I don't know when love became elusive. What I know is, no one I know has it. My father's arms around my mother's neck, fruit too ripe to eat. I think of lovers as trees ... growing to and from one another. Searching for the same light.
Why can't you see me? Why can't you see me? Why can't you see me? Everyone else can. - Warsan Shire
The sound of the clock ticking filled the silence of the house. It just hit 10 PM and yet here I was sitting at the table with a plate of food sitting in front of me and another plate at the opposite end of the table.
Another night.
3rd time in a row.
Lost my appetite a long time ago but decided on still making myself something to eat just in case my other finally decides to join me.
A bottle full of red wine sat in front of me as well.
He promised. He promised he'd talk to me about his emotions more, he promised he'd come home earlier to eat with his family.
Our 9 month old away at his mother's house for the weekend. She offered to take our daughter so me and her son can have some alone time this weekend.
So much for that.
Fuck it.
My hand swept across the table causing the wine bottle and plates to hit the floor shattering.
Standing up from the table, the chair I was sitting in fell backwards and hit the floor as well.
I made my way upstairs to our bedroom that we shared and straight to our walk in closet. My eyes landed on the one dress he said I was allowed to wear only with him.
The dress was lace, wasn't that short, showed my cleavage a bit.
I changed into that and my red bottoms heels before heading back downstairs and back towards the dining room where my phone was freshly cracked on the floor from me tossing it at the wall after my friend sent me a picture of my husband with her at a party tonight.
I picked my phone up from where it was and grabbed my car keys on my way out the door to my car.
~
Guilt stares.
That's all I've been getting the second I walked in here from Chris's "friends". They knew they were wrong for not stopping him, for not checking him.
But then again, he was a grown man.
A grown married man.
It didn't take me long to spot him and her looking all couplely and being all touchy touchy.
Her arm was wrapped around his neck and his arm gripped tightly around her waist as her other arm was held up in the air with her phone getting ready to take a picture of the two of them.
I made my way to them just before she pressed that button on her phone where it captured them.
"Are we taking a picture," They turned to me and both of their faces held shocked expressions. Funny how she knew who I was but I didn't know a damn thing about her, "Here let me take it."
I grabbed her phone out her hand and leaned in towards the two taking a picture of all three of us. Him, me and the love of his life.
I handed her back her phone with a sarcastic smile on my face.
I get it.
She's pretty.
But what does she give to him that I couldn't? What does she give to him that made him want to stop wearing his wedding ring?
"Yo, what you doing here?"
"Yo? Is that what you call me now?"
"I'm serious, Y/N. What you doing here?" Chris asked me with annoyance in his voice.
"What I'm doing here? What are you doing here? You promised you'd be home more. You promised me this weekend with you." I explained.
"I got caught up."
"Yeah, you got caught up alright." I pointed at girly behind him who stared at me with disgust. "You know what, Maurice. Finish what you doing here I don't care anymore."
I walked away from the two making my way to the front of the club. My name was being called from different people but I didn't care.
The cool LA air hit my face when I finally made it outside. I had my cracked up phone in my hand getting ready to order an Uber to go home.
"Y/N."
"Chris, I swear to god. Leave me alone."
"Nah, I'm yo' husband-" He started but I cut him off, "Psh, not anymore." I diverted my eyes back down to my phone to continue ordering the Uber.
"The fuck do you mean not anymore?" He snatched my phone out my hand and my hand immediately went for his face slapping him.
"Exactly what I said. We getting a divorce I'm through with you."
"A divorce?" He chuckled softly, "Yo, you tripping. The fuck you want a divorce for?"
"The same reason you stopped wearing your wedding ring and started fucking around with that bitch in there."
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"Get a bigger smile on my face, being alone Bad motherfucker, God complex Motivate your ass call me Malcom X Yo operator, or innovator Fuck you hater, you can't recreate her no You'll never recreate her no" ______________________________________
