In My Head

[ last time ]

come over, I know I shouldn't, know you shouldn't...

come over?

"But I mean it's whatever. Anyways what you bout to get into?" Trey questioned while putting his stuff in his duffle bag.

We had just got done playing basketball with a few other of our friends.

"Shit, nothing. Might go and see a friend." I said slipping my slides on. I looked at him and he was staring at me with his face scrunched up.

"I thought you said you was done with-"

"Nah, we are. It's somebody else."

"Mhm." He knew I was lying and I didn't care if he did.

We said our goodbyes and headed separate ways. I needed to shower but I figured I would just shower at her place. Once I started my car, I pulled out the parking lot of the gym and headed straight to her apartment.

A smile appeared on my face seeing her car parked in it's usual spot in the parking garage indicating she was home. I got out locking my car and headed to the elevator.

Pressing the 16th floor, I sighed leaning my head back against the wall and closing my eyes feeling the elevator take me up.

The ding made me open my eyes and I walked out the elevator and down the luxurious hallway stopping at her apartment door and knocked.

She opened the door rubbing her eyes giving me a weak smile before letting me in.

"You was sleep, baby?" I chuckled softly taking my slides off and placing them by the door. She nodded her head and yawned.

"Mm, I'm sorry for waking you." I mumbled wrapping my arms around her waist as she wrapped hers around my neck and I gave a kiss on her lips.

back into your arms again and you say it's getting old
sayin' that I love you just so you don't let me go

We weren't dating, no. But we were.... something. Neither of us put a title on it nor have we ever talked about putting a title on it.

But I could tell she was getting tired of us doing whatever us was without it being official. We acted like a couple. Did everything a couple does down to pet names.

"Chris, what are we doing?" She snickered pulling away from me and walking away into her living room,  taking a seat on the couch. I closed my eyes before reopening them and letting out a sigh cause I knew where this is going. She asked that question at least every few weeks.

"What you mean what we doing? We doing us."

"Okay, but what the fuck is us?" I shrugged sitting down on the arm of the couch.

"....Us." She stared at me for a second before chuckling to herself.

"You know what..." She mumbled under her breath and shook her head standing up from her spot on the couch and walking into the kitchen with me right behind her.

"We act like a couple, right? We do coupley shit. You tell me love me when you think I'm sleeping and can't hear but I do. You stay here sometimes and I'm at yours. You got clothes here and I got some at yours but we're just doing "us" right?" She went off and I let out a breath.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry you're right... but with my lifestyle and yours. I'm really not tryna fuck your life up right now. You in college about to graduate soon and I'm off to tour in a few months. I would love to make this official with you, you know that. But we can't cause I feel like the second we do that shit, it's gon' start crumbling down." I explained. She didn't answer me, she just leaned forward on the island and sighed. I walked up behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist and placing my head in the crook of her neck.

"That's why I just wanna be us. No title. A title will ruin something great and what we got is above great right now."

It got silent between us before she spoke up again.

"You're staying the night, right?" She asked in almost a whisper.

"Yeah, I'ma go shower actually if that's cool." I lifted my head up and she turned around in my arms looking up at me biting her lip.

"Yeah, that's cool."

It ain't right but I'ma stay tonight because you told me so.
Everytime we try it's back and forth

I got in the shower and handled my business. Once I got out, I walked into her closet where I had a few clothes in there from when I would stay the night and leave them here sometimes.

I hate this situation that we got going on. But everything I told her was true. I'm really not tryna fuck her life up right now. Not when it's going great for her. If I could make it official between us, I really fucking would but I can't. With tour coming, I tend to get reckless and just say fuck it and I'd end up hurting her and that's the last damn thing I wanna do to her.

I sighed slipping my clothes think about how I might have to leave in the morning or sooner than that due to business in Miami I gotta attend to tomorrow afternoon.

It's like that, I swear I don't like that
I want you just like that, don't fight back
Baby, don't get like that
I swear I just might be gone, gone by tonight

I walked into the living room and laid down on the couch looking at the TV which was playing American Horror Story's Asylum season. Y/n walked in and laid down on the opposite side of the couch. I looked over at her and smiled.

"Why you all the way over there? Come here." She hesitated before getting up from her spot and walked near me laying down on top of me resting her head on my chest. My hand immediately going up to her hair and running my hand through it.

We always had moments like this where we would just enjoy each other's company. But it was something about right now, that felt different.

This might just be our last time in each other's arms. We didn't say it cause that would only make it more real.

I really didn't want to let this girl go.

But I really didn't have a choice.

Just this last time
Don't make me regret it, I don't wanna say it
Let's not overthink it, baby