Sold Out (GxG) (Editing)

Chapter 27

"You wouldn't hurt me.."

"I could never.."

My head rested on her arm while she played with my hair. I was absolutely knackered after the session and I just felt this need to be close to her.

"Veronica wants me to get proper individual assessment.."

"Okay?"

"She said group therapy won't be of enough help.."

"How do you like it in the group?"

"It's okay.. V told me some stuff about mindfulness and how I could avoid panic attacks if I'm present in the moment and something like that.."

Alex hummed, "do you want to get individual therapy?"

"I'm not sure if I wanna abandon the group.. I feel loved there.."

Alex kissed my forehead.

A drop of tear slipped down my face.

"What's wrong?"

My stomach clenched within.

"Cramps.."

"Babe! You have to tell me, okay?", Alex got up, immediately.

"Sorry.."

She rushed outside, with her sleeves rolled up. She looked kinda sexy, though. Ugh, my mood swings, again.

As far as I could imagine, what period blood could really be like, it wasn't as harsh in my pads. I think it'll take time to come back to a decent flow.

Do I have to get back on the anxiety medications after today? I don't know if I wanna tell V about it. But I do want to tell my group.

It's so weird, being able to trust a certain person in a group, and not trust a certain person in the group. Do I even trust Alex?

"Fuck..", I groaned in pain, again. I looked outside the window. The sky had turned livid. The weather really was unpredictable here.

"Ah, fuck! It just started raining, I don't think I want to deal with it..", Sam spoke into his phone, "no, we're not coming anymore.."

I felt silly joyous in a second, knowing I wouldn't have to go through another rape. I knew what it was like to be hopeless and have a flickering light of hope still.

"Fine, you can come over..", my heart sank.

The cloud rumbled.

"AAAH, FUCK!", Alex yelled in fright, from the stairs and rushed into the room.

"Sorry..", she giggled, "just.. a little scared.."

I smiled wide, knowing yet another one of her weaknesses. Don't worry, I'll protect you.

"Hot bag..?"

"Thank you.."

-

This is it. This is my life now. Alex works on her laptop, I either doodle on the iPad, play stupid games, read something, or just feel jobless in general.

I shut my book, and looked over at Alex. She wasn't in a good mood, or maybe she was just overworked. Her feet tapped away at the footrest.

Every time I looked at her, I was filled with some kind of warmth in my chest. It's not necessarily love, but.. I feel safe with her? I'm not sure.. but that feeling, definitely is that.

She gently shut her laptop, and rested her head on it. She played with her hair. It was a little more than a fistful.

She lifted her head up, "I'll get a haircut.."

"Why? This is beautiful.."

She looked away and smiled shyly, "it's growing.. it's out of shape.."

"Maybe half an inch.. please don't go for more.."

She looked at me with twinkling eyes, and that same elegant smile.. that damn smile, though..

"Okay..", she got up with her phone.

"Wait.. please take me with you?", I didn't wanna stay alone.

"Uh, I'll be walking. You sure you can go with the cramps?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Let's go.."

-

I held onto her arm a little less often. She made me feel safe, just being around her.

It rained.. a little. We shared an umbrella. We giggled heartily, I felt home with her. But that was scary.

"Just chop off this portion.."

"Alex.."

"It'll stay the same, I promise", she laughed.

"And what do you want to get done for yourself?", the salon owner asked me.

"Oh, nothing. I'm just here with her.."

"You walked all the way, might as well get something done, babe", Alex called out.

Wow, now everyone thinks I'm her girlfriend.

"Um, I'm not sure..", do I want a haircut? I don't want a haircut! I could have a life changing hairdo. No, I don't want to completely change this, I wanna know who this person was.

"Maybe facial?", the woman insisted.

"I-", I looked away from my mirror reflection, "yeah, I think that might be refreshing.."

"You can get your nails done, if you want!", Alex yelled from the distance again. Fuck, Alex. You're making it tough for me.

Do I want my nails done? I don't know. Settling on a colour is very scary. Am I a pastel pink person or a neon green person? Neither..

It's hard to try to figure yourself out. My favourite colour might say a lot about my personality.. wait, I'm a personality oriented person.. right.

Okay, what does pink mean? Femininity. Unless I'm stereotyping femininity. Blue? Ew, blue on nails is disgusting. Green is evil... Sam had green eyes.. ugh, fuck it.

Maybe I'm just not a nail paint person. Wait.. am I gay? I probably am. But, what if I were bisexual?

Black? Black is too confident. I don't wanna come off as too sophisticated. Red? Ooh, it's the sexy, red carpet thing. Again, too confident..

How am I meant to figure myself out? Well, isn't everybody trying to figure themselves out? Alex getting a haircut is her trying to find herself. This lady talking about plastic surgery next to me, is trying to find herself.

How about I turn the equation around? Wait, I'm a mathematical person? Oh, fuck it. Wait, I swear too much. Does that say something about me? Ugh..

I won't feel like myself if I'm wearing a colour more confident than me. But what if I wear a sexy colour that makes me feel confident instead?

Red is the most attractive. Do I go for it? Alex might find me intimidating if I'm more confident. I want her to come undone to me..

"Can I get my nail painted?"

"Definitely! What shade?"

"The sexiest of reds.."