Red vs Blue (Male OC Insert) [Being heavily overhauled]

Season 4 Episode 66: Exploring Our Differences

Caboose: You told me it was another arm.

Ghost: WHAT!

Trut'aik: Bluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurgh!

Caption: <whahahahahahahaha>

Ghost: I'LL KILL YOU!!

Ghost lunges at Trut'aik trying to kill it with one of his two swords but Tex, Tucker, and Church hold him back... barely...

Andy:    Hey Caboose- high five!

Caboose: I don't want to do that any more.

Once ghost slow calms down, church walks a distance away before calling for Tucker.

Church: Tucker come here, I want to talk to you for a second. Listen, just drop off this weapon, and get back to Blue Base as fast as you can.

Tucker: What if I have to kill stuff dude? I'm a lover, not a fighter.

Church: Hey now Tucker I'm the same way. That's why we get along so well. We're both just a couple of lovers.

Tucker: ...That sounded kinda gay dude.

Church: Yeah it did. Uhm... I feel obligated to say something encouraging as your boss.

Tucker: Our Captain died. You're just the guy pretending to be my boss.

Church: We, you know in our given situation technically you could be seen as one of my employees.

Tucker: Except that I'm not.

Church: Echch, whatever! Listen, I just, as, as someone in an employee/manager relationship-

Tucker: Which doesn't exist.

Church: Heuhhhhhhh...

Tucker: Why did you pull me aside again?

Church: You know I'm sure it was to say something inspiring or, something but now I, just don't care.

Tucker: I'ma go man.

Trut'aik: Huuuuur!

Caption: <we leave now? The quest won't complete itself.>

Andy:    Hey lady! Come on, hustle up! If you gotta use the bathroom, do it now 'cause I'm not pullin' over.

Church: You know I have to say I'm a little surprised that you're not goin' with them.

Tex: Why? Quests are dangerous.

Church: Yeah but they usually have some kind of big reward at the end you know like some, big treasure chest or, an entire room filled with gold and art. Also since you're so obsessed about Ghost you could probably take him out of the group and do something with him. It's not really like you to pass up on something like that Tex. ...Tex? ...You're gone, aren't you. ...Huhhh, I really shoulda seen that coming.

Cut to Sarge scoping Simmons walking Grif to Blue Base through the sniper rifle's scope

Sarge:    Well, this is a tough one. Simmons appears to have captured Grif. Which means we're down a man. And now that man has taken Grif prisoner. So does that make us even? What's one plus a turd? Dammit only Grif can screw up math!

Cut to Simmons walking Grif down the ramp in to Blue Base

Simmons: Hurry up Grif.

Grif: You know Simmons, you don't make a very good hostage taker. My last prisoner experience was much cooler.

Simmons: What?

Grif: You haven't even yelled at me one time.

Simmons: You're doing everything right. I think yelling should be reserved for only the most critical of situations. Like when someone drinks milk out of the carton!

Grif: Come on Simmons I'm a prisoner. You should be jabbing me in the back with your gun and saying get moving scum!

Simmons: (jabs him in the back with his gun) Get going!

Grif: Louder!

Simmons: (jabs him again) I said move!

Grif: Yeaheaheah, that's it!

Simmons: (jabs him again) Move it soldier!

Grif: Okay, seriously? That hurts.

They arrive in the middle of the base

Grif: Man, these guys really like blue lights. I mean, I know this is Blue Base and all but come on, you don't have to beat us over the head with it.

Simmons: Get in the hole.

Grif: You have a hole? Whoa, now that's cool. I take back everything I said, this is much creepier than my last time in the joint.

Simmons: (hits him) Move!

Grif: Dude, if you keep doin' that, this is gonna get old quick.

Simmons: I said in the hole! (hits him and he falls in the hole)

Grif: Ow!

Simmons: Who's the bad hostage taker now bitch!

Grif: (materializing behind him) Um, I think I found a design flaw in your hole.

Simmons: What? Get back in there! (hits him)

Grif: Woohoo! Look who's back.

Simmons: God this sucks.

Grif: Seriously dude, you have to try the hole. It's really fun.

Simmons: Ugh, what're you doing? Get back down in there. (hits him)

Grif: Wheee! Look I came out backwards this time!

Simmons: You're supposed to s- you're the prisoner, stay down there.