Red vs Blue (Male OC Insert) [Being heavily overhauled]

Season 3 Episode 54: Hello My Name is Andrew

Simmons: That's all it says, it doesn't even say where or who.

Sarge:    We know who it is, it's on the Red Army open channel! That means the Reds have survived in to the future. Doncha see what this means?

Grif: Hughhhhhhh, that we have absolutely no hope of ever getting out of this army.

Sarge:    No, it means we must have beaten the Blues! Otherwise there wouldn't be any Reds left. Finally, victory is ours! Wait a minute, this means I missed the entire war, aw dammit!

Grif: Yeah, everything must be great. That's why they sent out a distress signal.

Donut: Maybe it's not a distress signal. Maybe it's a distress signal. Maybe it's an open invitation to some formal ball!

Grif: Oh-kay, let's go with Sarge's version.

Sarge:    Simmons, have you tracked the source?

Simmons: Well Sir, all I can tell is the direction, I have no idea how far it is.

Sarge:    Why not? I thought you were our Unofficial Science Officer.

Simmons: That just means I'm smart. If you want me to multiply two big numbers in my head, that I can do. But I can't measure radio signals with no equipment!

Grif: What's thirty-two times, fifty-six?

Simmons: Thirty-one thousand, four hundred fifty-two.

Sarge:    Is that right?

Simmons: Yes.

Sarge:    That's pretty impressive.

Simmons: Eh, you know, it's a gift.

Cut to a shot of the unexploded bomb, and Caboose talking to the Blues

Caboose: This, is Andy. Andy this is Tex, and Tucker. Uh, the black one is Tex, and the other black one is Tucker.

Tucker: Andy's the bomb?

Caboose: Uhhh, Andy prefers the term "Explosive American."

Ghost: And I keep saying it's a weird name.

Tucker: Are you making fun of me?

Caboose: He told us all about what the Reds are up to. Didn't you Andy...

Andy:    ...

Caboose: Yes. -and then we talked about, all our adventures, did you know that he used to know Sheila? Isn't that right Andy?

Ghost: Yes actually kind of interesting stuff they've been on, very interesting.

Andy:    ...

Tucker: Ehm, Caboose, Ghost, are you hearing the bomb talk right now?

Caboose: Say something Andy. You are embarassing me in front of my friends.

Ghost: Caboose, I think he's either shy or he just hates everyone else here which I can understand.

Tex: Caboose, Ghost, I think you're losing it.

Tucker: Also I wouldn't really call us 'friends,' we're more like acquaintances or, people who work with other people they hate.

Ghost:  Well I'm friends with caboose, Tex, and church i don't know about you though...

Tucker: Really!?

Cut to Church talking with Gary

Church: Gary, I need you to tell me some more about the Alien race that needs Tucker's sword.

Gary: i do not know anything about them.

Church: You don't know anything about the Aliens that programmed you?

Gary: correct. instead they filled all my memory banks with information about the great destroyer and his race.

Church: You mean Humans.

Gary: that is not what they call you. but correct.

Church: Why, what do they call us?

Gary: ...shisno.

Church: That's an insult, isn't it.

Gary: perhaps this can best be explained in the form of a knock knock joke.

Church: (sigh)

Gary: knock knock.

Church: Who's there.

Gary: you are

Church: You are who.

Gary: you are a dirty dirty shisno. ha ha ha.

Church: Alright, what does it mean?

Gary: what is the most foul-smelling animal on your planet?

Church: Uhm, a skunk. Wait so Shisno means skunk?

Gary: not exactly. does a skunk defecate?

Church: Yes...

Gary: and does the skunk's defecation in turn produce its own excrement?

Church: Ew, no!

Gary: then there is no equivalent for shisno in your language.

Church: Gross.

Gary: like you would not believe.

Church: Hey, does that bomb, ever talk to you?

Gary: the bomb? no. never.

Church: Yeah, I didn't think so.

Gary: andy and i are not on speaking terms right now.

Church: Heh heh yeah. Wait, Andy?

Gary: correct. he is kind of a jerk.

Andy: I'm not the jerk, you're the jerk, jerk!

Gary: that was very rude.

Andy: Ah, shut up ya Shisno!

Ghost: haha, you and I going to get along just fine