Red vs Blue (Male OC Insert) [Being heavily overhauled]

Season 1 Chapter 10: A Shadow of His Former Self

Caboose: What's the warning?

Church: Shut up for one second, and I'll tell you.

Caboose: Oh, sorry.

Church: Seriously, man, I mean, I'm coming back from the great beyond here. You think this is easy? It's not. It's not like I just, you know just pop in and out whenever I feel like it, it takes a lot of concentration.

Caboose: Sorry.

Church: I mean, it's bad enough that you killed me to begin with, but now I come back and I can't even get a word in edgewise, man. ... (exhales) Okay. Here's the deal.

Caboose: Is this the warning?

Church: Alright, that's it, I swear to God, Caboose, your ass is haunted. When we're done here, I'm gonna haunt you.

Tucker: Yeah, you're even starting to bug me.

Church: Okay, Tucker. You remember that I told you I was stationed on Sidewinder before they transferred me here to Blood Gulch, right?

Tucker: No.

Caboose: Sidewinder, isn't that the ice planet?

Church: Yes.

Caboose: Cool, what was that like?

Church: Um... it was cold.

Caboose: That's it? Just cold?

Church: What do you want from me, a poem? It's a planet made entirely out of ice. It's really, fuckin', cold.

Tucker: Would you just let him talk?

Cut to the blue base on Sidewinder

Church: Alright, well, one day when I was there, everything was just like normal. I remember, I was out on patrol with my partner Jimmy. That Jimmy was a real good kid, everybody liked him.

Tucker: Do you think I was a good kid Church?

Church: Tucker, don't get jealous man, just listen to the story, okay? Like I said, guys were hanging around, waitin' for some action, bitching about the cold...

Camera zooms past three blue guys around a fire

Blue guy 1: Man, it's fucking cold.

Blue guy 2: I hope we get some action.

Church: Anyway, Jimmy was in the middle of telling me all about this girlfriend he had back home.

Camera stops on Church in his light blue armor, and Jimmy

Jimmy: Yep, soon as I get back, I'm gonna get down on one knee and ask her to marry me.

Church: And that's when Tex showed up.

Camera angle changes to a distant shot, and Tex in transparent armor crosses the screen in the foreground

Church: Private Mickey was the first to go. He was halfway across the base when all of a sudden he just started screaming bloody murder.

Mickey: (turning around firing at the ground) Bloody murder! Bloody murder!

Church: The whole thing was over before it even started.

Tex hits another blue soldier in the back of the head with the butt-end of the gun, then runs across to get the third one the same way

Church and Jimmy firing at something, Tex runs up behind them

Church: Poor Jimmy was the last one to go. Tex walked up to him, pulled Jimmy's skull right out of his head and beat him to death with it.

Cut to Tucker

Tucker: Wait a second... How do you beat someone to death with their own skull? That doesn't seem physically possible.

Church: That's exactly what Jimmy kept screaming.

Cut to Tex, in black armor, beating Jimmy to death with his own skull

Jimmy: This doesn't seem physically possible! (dies) Eeeeggh, blehhhhh.

Cut back to Church in Blood Gulch

Church: Bottom line is: these freelancers, they're bad news, and Tex is one of the worst.

Caboose: If he's such a badass, why didn't he kill you?

Cut to Church on Sidewinder, surrounded by dead blues

Church: To tell you I don't know why I'm not dead. Could've killed me at any point. But maybe it's because Tex and I have run into each other once before.

Cut back to Tucker

Tucker: Where?

Church: You uh, you remember that girl I told you about back home? Well, let's just say that Tex is the real reason why we never got married. Guys, I'm fading fast and I don't know when I'll be back. Just listen to my warning: don't let Tex get involved here.

Tucker: Okay.

Church: I mean it Tucker. No fighting, no scouting, nothing. You'll regret it (fades out)

Camera angle changes to a long shot of Tucker and Caboose, slowly panning left

Tucker: So, Tex and Church were after the same girl.

Caboose: I told you his girlfriend was a slut.

We see Tex's right leg and arm come into the camera angle, within earshot, and then the rest of the armor.