ForeverLand: Season 1

Episode 41: Aching For Saving

{Loss; is the returning of what never actually belonged to us in the first place- Yasmin Mogahed}

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Previously:

-Whatever was behind the pack of boys was dead

-Stay where you are

-Let me see

-Oh my god oh my god

-He is dead

-I killed Ronnie

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Clara's POV:

"Clara, please look at me"

"I killed Ronnie, I Killed Ronnie"

Walking back and forth, I was panicking, crying, having a breakdown? I can't even explain what I was feeling. I was hurting, I was paining. I am going crazy. My nails are basically broken from scratching on my neck too much. In case you're wondering, yes, slight blood was oozing.

"Clara listen to me! It wasn't you it was me. I was the one who assigned Ronnie to guard for the night"

"It was me, I deserve to get punished"

Ronnie's death. Was it painful? Did he feel it or was it quick? Was he tortured before he was a goner? Did the arrow hurt him or did it have an immediate effect? Worse, did the dreamshade hurt him or was it quickly pierced into his heart?

Pierced in his heart

Oh my god Ronnie. I cannot believe he is dead. He is dead. I lost a brother for the second time. He was just a kid, he didn't deserve it. He is dead. And it was because of me. I killed him. This is all my fault.

"This cannot be happening" I started walking in circles pulling on my hair. "This cannot be happening this cannot be happening"

"Clara listen to me" I completely ignored Pan. What is he going to tell me? That it wasn't my fault? That I had nothing to do with this? It was me! I left the path Pan specially protected. This is all me. I am the one to blame.

"C-cla-Clara Lis-lits" I kept on interrupting Pan with my cries and sobs. "C-cl-Clara-YOU DID NOT KILL RONNIE"

"I MURDERED A CHILD, AN 8 YEAR OLD" I stopped in my tracks and looked at Pan Dead in the eyes.

"YOU DID NOT"

"I MURDERED MY FRIEND, THE CLOSEST THING I HAD TO A BROTHER"

I can feel darkness in my heart, a demon in my soul, blood on my hands. Oh my god blood on my hands.

I looked at my hands with horror on my face. "Oh my god oh my god his blood is on my hand" I cried. I just remembered I had blood remains from when I tried wiping off the crimson earlier. "Oh my god oh my god" I started wiping away the blood with the shirt I was wearing. I was wiping the blood as if I were someone with a severe OCD problem.

My body started shaking, way too much. My teeth were clicking like never before and my fingers were moving like crazy.

"Please calm down you're scaring me" Pan said gently.

My breathing got heavy, way heavy. You could hear my unsteady heavy breaths miles away. My heart beats were too fast; I felt my entire body pound. My head feels heavy, way too heavy. What's happening to me? I feel light headed. I can't see properly. Everything is too blurry. Pressure filled the air. I can't breathe. Help me. I can't breathe.

"CLARA"

In a matter of seconds I collapsed to the ground but Pan caught me right in time. He held me tight to his chest while sitting on the cold floor. No, I did my faint, I was about to though. I just lost control over my body.