Intertwined

Chapter 42: Spit My Water Back

A X E L

Her face nuzzles into my neck and I swear-

I clear my throat. "Maybe, maybe we should uh- not do that."

She looks up at me. "Why?" she sounds disappointed.

"No reason," I open my bedroom door, setting her on the bed.

"You don't like it anymore?"

I look at her hurt eyes. "I like it too much. That's the problem. And we both know I can't kiss you," I confess, pouring some water out for me on the bedside table.

She props up on her elbows. "Then let's kiss!"

I spit my water back into the glass. "What?"

"Yeah," her mesmerizing eyes look into mine as she sits on my laid out legs, straddling my lap.

She leans in and I push her off gently. "You're drunk, J."

She pouts.

Damn.

"So? I've kissed you when you're drunk," this is the alcohol talking now.

"That's different and you know it."

She shakes her head, rational thought coming back to her now.

"You can still think about it, it's a limited time deal. Soon, I might not be around to offer," she jokes and any sign of humor leaves my face.

"Shit, sorry!" she apologizes.

"Look," I start. "You might be okay with that shit, but I am not, the second I can go see Dabria, I will. I don't care if it's alone. She wants to torture me, she can. I don't give a shit."

"I'm sorry," she cups my cheek.

"How are you so okay with this?" I push her hand away gently.

She scoffs, looking away. For a good amount of time, she doesn't reply. When I look at her, I can see the tears pooling in her eyes.

"Do you think I want this? All of you only care about what you think and what you feel. Of course, I'm scared. I'm terrified of what I'm losing. My whole life, college, a career, my family, you. I'm gonna be all alone," she blinks away her tears, miserably failing.

"Hey," I cup her face now. "Shit, I'm so sorry, J. I didn't even think of it that way, I'm sorry."

She sobs into my chest and I don't know what to do; how to take the pain away. I never do.

"You won't ever be alone, I promise, I'll always be with you," I say as the crack in my heart deepens with every drop of tear rolling down her cheeks.

She pulls away from me. "You still don't see it, Axel. You can't help me. No one can."

"I will. We all will," my voice cracks.

No, no. I will be strong for her right now. I will be her shoulder to cry on.

"Why don't you ever tell us you're scared?" I ask.

She wipes her tears away. "You guys are sad enough about it, I don't need to add onto that."

Her voice is so small. Quiet. Alone.

I hate it.

"Hey," I beckon her to look at me. "I'm gonna need you to stop giving a shit about our feelings, if you're feeling something, say it. Understand?"

Reluctantly, she nods. Now I need to change the topic because I can not see her cry more.

"Good, now tell me about this party you went to," I place the blanket over us, pulling her closer to me.

She explains how it was a one-time thing and she won't be doing it again.

"How was the tequila?" I really want to know.

"Yucky," she scrunches her nose, screwing her eyes shut.

I laugh at her adorableness but then her demeanor changes.

"He almost kissed me tonight," she whispers and I feel my entire body stiffen and all I can see is red.

I'll break every bone in his body! That fucker!

"But I stopped it before it could happen. He was just drunk, trust me. We're just friends."

I don't want to listen to her protests, I want to cross the street and break Chase's nose.

"Axel, relax. I didn't want to keep anything from you, and that's why I told you," she rubs her hands over my shoulders and unfortunately, I feel myself calming down (still not enough to not break Follow's nose).

"I really don't like him, you should stay away from him, drunk or not."

"Don't tell me what to do."

"I'm not-"

"I didn't tell you to stay away from Tina, did I? She actually liked you and actually kissed you," she's angry now.

I let out a wince. "Okay, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have tried to tell you what to do."

She lets out a breath too. "I'm sorry too, I shouldn't rub that in your face."

"Let's just go to bed," I offer a truce.

"I think I'll go to bed in my own room for tonight," she begins to get up, an unreadable expression on her face.

"What? Why?"

"We need to stick to a normal break. It's not a break if I'm still in your bed every other night," she's at the door now and I'm just not understanding this.

"Well, normal people don't have to go through what we have to go through," I reason.

She looks at me, considering it. "Goodnight, Axel."

And then I'm all alone in my bed, again.