Intertwined

Chapter 12: Damaged Goods

A X E L

I wish what he said didn't have so much power over me. But it did.

And on top of that Juliet was hiding something from me. What Nick said was painfully true.

I wish I had something better to offer to her but I don't. I'm always gonna be damaged goods. I've been so horrible to her, why won't she just leave me and end her suffering?

I don't want her to suffer anymore.

I kick the bed and end up hurting my toe.

"Ah, shit." I sit on the bed.

"You okay?" Juliet walks in, kneeling in front of me.

I can't see her right now. Not when a mirror of how screwed we are was placed in front of me seconds ago.

How do I know she's not gonna get hurt because of what we are now? That's gonna be my fault.

"What happened out there?" She cups my cheeks and I feel myself falling back into her.

No, not this time.

I shrug away from her hold reluctantly, the hurt evident in her eyes.

"Don't pretend like everything is fine."

"It is."

"No, it's freaking not. Don't you see what just happened out there? Our past is always going to exist and it's always gonna be there to cause shit for us. It's not fair. No matter how far we come, our mistakes and our troubles will still exist!" I'm angry. Good.

"It's okay. They don't have a right to say anything. This is our relationship. I don't care what they have to say." She puts her head on my shoulder and all I wanna do is hug her.

"We'll figure this out together." She reassures.

"No, we won't. Not when you're not even telling me what's going on with you."

"I'll deal with it. I don't want it to worry you. Your nightmares already bother you so much, I don't wanna make it worse."

"Don't you see?! It's always gonna be 'worse' for me. I'm always going to be damaged goods. You don't want damaged goods." I yell.

"Don't say that."

"It's true. That's just what we are. You don't tell me things and I'm broken."

"You're not." She's going to cry now. If she does, I'll break and so I pray she doesn't.

"You can't fix me. I'm not another project of yours to fix. You think you can make everyone's life better but guess what? You can't! At least, not mine."

"That's not fair. You hid all of this from me for years. I got over it! YOU'RE BEING SO HYPOCRITICAL!" She's angry too now. Good.

"Oh great. What are we? FUCKING SIX? We're keeping score?"

"No. That's not what I'm saying. Can you just listen?" She tries to calm herself down.

"I don't want to listen. I make your life worse and you make mine worse." I lie about the last part.

Her shoulders slump. "I make your life worse."

No, please don't sound so hurt. I'll break.

"That's what we were born for, Juliet, wake up. I can't be the guy you need and want me to be. Us being in each other's lives is nothing but trouble, that fire was a good reminder." My voice is cold.

"You are! You are exactly who I need. You can't push me away again. Please. After all this, we're finally together. Doesn't that mean something to you?" She cries and I feel pieces of my heart chip away.

Baby, it's not your fault. I'm a screw-up.

"Don't I mean anything?" She asks.

"You do. I love you. You know that. But is it worth all the trouble?" I ask, laughing coldly.

Of course it's worth it to me. But she has to move on. Find someone who's better. Who isn't me.

"Axel, please, I love you." She sobs and no other sound has ever broken my heart like this, I almost end the fight right there.

"I'm sure you do. But like I said, it's not worth it."

She sits on the bed, trying to control her sobs and eventually succeeding. I want to console her, but I can't.

"So what? After everything, we'll be strangers? You can't stick around and fight for me?" Her voice is hoarse. And broken.

This is me, fighting for you. A better life for you.

"No, of course not, we'll be friends." The words scorch my throat.

"I'm willing to fight for you. Why can't you do the same for me?" She asks.

"We're better off as friends. Less dangerous."

"Don't bring that in. This is only about how you feel for me. Where you see your future going with me."

Where I see my future going with you?! I can't see my future without you. That's the problem!

"We're better off as friends." I repeat sternly. She shakes her head in disbelief.

"If I walk out that door right now, you'll never have me back like this again." She warns.

What was left of my heart begins to rapidly chip away.

I nod, with as much indifference as I can muster. If I cry, then it doesn't matter what I say to her, she'll stay even if it kills her. She needs to leave.

And she looks like she might say something.

"Alright, then. If this is what you really want." She whispers walking to the door.

And then she walks out on me. One last time. The final time. And all I can do is watch her walk away with all I had left of my heart.