His Appointed Wife

35. You, me and everyone else

One day you will regret letting me go, but I won't be there that day! - Alexandra.
~~~

35. You, me and everyone else

(Alexandra)

The kiss tasted bitter and salty. Her tears. His anger. He did not pull away, though, maybe because he still lusted after her.

Even when he hated her!

This was all new to Alex. Lust without love. Hatred mixed with desire.

She was still a beginner when it came to love and Logan wasn't exactly a great teacher. He was a very bad, very arrogant and hurtful teacher. And that made her a bad student.

He didn't love her. He just wanted her, because she was good in his bed.

That thought was like a violent shake. She pulled back from him even when she didn't want to. But she couldn't want him anymore.

This shit was finally done. It had to be.

"Goodbye Logan. I hope I never see you again." She whispered almost to herself, but the thought of it, the thought of never seeing him again was so painful it almost physically hurt her.

She turned away from him as she wiped her eyes, but the tears kept falling, as if they didn't know how to stop. She blinked rapidly and walked away.

She was afraid that if she waited, she would beg him to let her stay with him. After all this, she couldn't do that to herself. If she stayed, if he accepted, it would give him all the power in that relationship and she didn't want that kind of relationship.

What kind of relationship would that even be? She, in one side, giving and giving. And he on the other, just watching.

She couldn't beg. She couldn't live like that.

Even when everything had fallen apart in her life, even when she had to run away and stay in a dank motel with creepy men watching her every move like a hawk, she never begged.

After she lost her dad and her wealth and everything her father earned and built, she only had one thing then.

Her pride. Her self-esteem.

She would gladly give up her pride if it meant Logan could see how she had loved, but she couldn't destroy her self-esteem.

It would annihilate her and then she would become someone else. Someone even she couldn't recognize. What life would that be? Living as a stranger, looking at a stranger in all your mirrors?

She would rather take a life without Logan.

It was her fault that she had hold onto hope. It was her fault that she had wanted to believe it. To trust it. Trust everything Eliza and Emma had said. she should have said no. she was the one to blame.

"Alex." Eliza looked concerned as she saw Alex leaving. "Alex, wait." She called out.

Alex wiped her eyes and refused to turn back to look at Eliza. She hated feeling weak, feeling like her whole world was collapsing. But Logan wasn't her whole world. He had never even been a solid part of her world.

He had always been a temporary rest house in her long, troublesome journey. He has given her happiness and home for a short while, but she had always known she had to leave when the stay was over. Now she had to continue on in her journey without him. Alone.

"Alex, please. Just wait." This time Alex couldn't pretend that she hadn't heard Eliza.

She wasn't angry with Eliza, but she couldn't face her like this. With her puffy red eyes and battered heart and pride.