REQUESTS ARE CLOSED
Designed a new character but want to know others thoughts on it? Want to get some tips on how to make a good character or to be pointed in the right direction? Well, you're in the right place! I'm here to check your guys' OCS an...
Here we have an oc for an original universe by magam321
My comments will be in bold
Basics and grounding
Hoppla! Dieses Bild entspricht nicht unseren inhaltlichen Richtlinien. Um mit dem Veröffentlichen fortfahren zu können, entferne es bitte oder lade ein anderes Bild hoch.
Sounds interesting but a concept like this isn't uncommon so try to give it some kind of unique spin. Since it's sci-fi, I assume that there is going to be a lot of new concepts, so if you write a piece on this, try not to introduce too much at once and explain it well.
Character information
Hoppla! Dieses Bild entspricht nicht unseren inhaltlichen Richtlinien. Um mit dem Veröffentlichen fortfahren zu können, entferne es bitte oder lade ein anderes Bild hoch.
Hoppla! Dieses Bild entspricht nicht unseren inhaltlichen Richtlinien. Um mit dem Veröffentlichen fortfahren zu können, entferne es bitte oder lade ein anderes Bild hoch.
For the most part, I like this character. She has some good hobbies and I like the sound of her design. However, I have some issues with her personality. All of her traits are pretty positive, the only slightly negative one being that she can be awkward, which isn't seen as much of a negative trust by most people especially when it's only occasionally. I recommend adding some negative traits to her personality and developing it further to make her more fleshed out. After all, your character's personality is they're character.
Relationships
Hoppla! Dieses Bild entspricht nicht unseren inhaltlichen Richtlinien. Um mit dem Veröffentlichen fortfahren zu können, entferne es bitte oder lade ein anderes Bild hoch.
Most of these relationships are fine as long as they effect the character and help her develop, being well displayed in the process. I suggest being careful with the dead parents thing and having too many enemies, but apart from that this is fine.
Backstory
Hoppla! Dieses Bild entspricht nicht unseren inhaltlichen Richtlinien. Um mit dem Veröffentlichen fortfahren zu können, entferne es bitte oder lade ein anderes Bild hoch.
This works and I've already said my piece on the dead parents thing. I think it just needs further development and some additions, like how did her adoptive mother die and stuff like that.
Other
Hoppla! Dieses Bild entspricht nicht unseren inhaltlichen Richtlinien. Um mit dem Veröffentlichen fortfahren zu können, entferne es bitte oder lade ein anderes Bild hoch.
If these abilities work in the universe, then that's fine, but try not to make her too op.
Also, the fear of cows thing is so specific and unexpected that I actually really like this addition to the character.
Stats
Hoppla! Dieses Bild entspricht nicht unseren inhaltlichen Richtlinien. Um mit dem Veröffentlichen fortfahren zu können, entferne es bitte oder lade ein anderes Bild hoch.
Most of these stats are pretty high so I suggest lowering some or balancing out some of them as ones to balance out the fives (a lot of these are closer to five then four and nearly all of them are a nice average.)
Final thoughts There are some interesting concepts and ideas with this character and I think that you could go a long way with her, but I also this some changes are necessary and further development is needed. With that aside, most of this character is pretty well done, so good job.
*My critiques are simply at your request and to help improve your character. It is not my intention to cause any offence and you, of course, do not have to listen to what I've said. This is all just a bit of fun and I apologise if I have done any kind of damage*
