Silver Wings | BTS Mafia Story

32. Blur

I shake my head, my mind fogging up. Nothing is clear anymore. Everything seems to move in slow motion and the ringing gets louder. I shift my head covering my ears and squeezing my eyes shut, the pain building up and beginning to become unbearable.

The pain gets more and more intense and I want to scream, but I can't, my throat is too dry. Just as I think I'm going to explode, everything stops. The ringing, the dizziness. In fact it's totally silent. I open my eyes to see everything still there, only slightly blurry.

But then through the slower movements of the boys and guards, I see him standing there. His arms crossed over his chest and shoulder pressed against the wall in a careless lean. His eyes are glued to me, his lips curled into the slightest smile. The feathered ink curls around his opposite arm, disappearing into the sleeve of his t-shirt.

I feel my heart drop. Deep down, I know he's not really here, but I can't help but feel like my whole world is both collapsing and rebuilding at the same time.

"Hey big sis." Seho says in his usual raspy voice, soothing my ears. All of my problems peel away from the world. He walks over to me slowly and as he approaches, I can even smell the light scent of his cologne that I used to hate so bad. I love it. His arms open as he stands over my wheelchair and I push myself into his chest, feeling my heart beat faster and faster.

After a moment or two he pulls away and grabs a chair to sit on. He sits in front of me and grins, making my heart ache.

"How have you been?" He asks and I scoff.

"How does it look like?" I mumble and he chuckles.

"I know, I'm just... I don't know. Small talk?" He sighs, leaning back in his chair. "How has business been going?" He asks seriously.

"Not great..." I shrug. "I mean we found Hyunsoo, but he got away. I got my ass kicked pretty badly. Now he's gone and we don't know where the hell he went so things are a little whack right now."

"I'm sorry it's not working out. I'm sure things will sort themselves out. Knowing you, you're not going to give up on this." He chuckles lightly and sadly. My mind goes back to my dream. My determination caused his death.

I look down, avoiding eye contact.

His hand falls onto my shoulder gently. I look up at him, feeling my eyes burn slightly as tears threaten to surface. "I know you blame yourself," he whispers, squatting down to my level. "But you can't let that cloud your judgement. It happened, it's done. Nobody can change that."

"You don't understand. What if more people get hurt. If anybody is going to get caught in the crossfires, it's going to be bangtan and I'm not okay with that. And honestly why am I even fighting anymore? Revenge, obviously but why am I trying so hard? It's not gonna change anything. You won't come back. Mom. Dad. Our sister. When it's over I'll have nothing left except another lifeless body. More death. How does that help me?"

He tilts his head, narrowing his eyes into a glare. "If that's how you really feel then explain why you've never thought of that during the 11 years we've been in this life. You knew the risks, I knew the risks but we didn't care. This was a mutual agreement if you think about it. I gave my life because I wanted to reach our goal, even if I weren't there to see it myself. I wanted him dead and our parents lives avenged. But now you want to roll over, not caring whether you die or not. Then what? I died in vain? Our family died in vain? Don't tell me it doesn't matter if you fight anymore. Because if you ask me, that's the coward's way out."