That's why I..

Chapter Forty Five

Clarke POV

Sitting in the bathroom I listen to the voice of a female entire the room. I listen harder and soon I can make it out to be Octavia. It sounds as though she is upset about something. Perhaps the distraut emotions in her voice are what made it so hard to recognise. Then I hear Lexa consoling her. Notin the way Heda would her subjects but like they were friends. I have never really seen Lexa and Octavia together. But I guess that is just because whenever they are together it is because something has happened to me. I suppose they have had plenty of time to become close. Suddenly the weight of all of the time and moments that I have missed with Lexa recently sinks in and tears begin to well in my eyes. Soon I am weeping on the toilet that I was vomiting in not 20 minutes ago.

Time passes and then there is a light tap on the locked door.

"Clarke love, are you alright in there?" Lexa's voice is soft and tender. She is genuinely worried about me

"Did you miss me?" I say, trying my hardest not to give away that I have been crying but my voice gives way and cracks at the end.

"Clarke open the door so we can talk face to face"

"Did you miss me?" I repeat

"Clarke please just open the door. I know you've been crying. Just come out and I'll make it all better for you." her voice is slightly more persistent than in the beginning.

"Just answer the goddamn question Lexa" I practically yell at her

"Of course I did. I miss you all the time. Anytime I am away from you for longer than an hour I feel like there is a part of me missing. I feel empty without you Clarke. You are..." she trails off at the end like she was going to say something but then thought better of it. While she was talking I moved over closer to the door. Now I put my hand up to rest on the door and then place my forehead on the door.

"I am what?" I say quietly.

"In grounder culture it is believed that your soul mate is someone whom you share your soul with. Part of your soul  is in them and part of their soul is in you. You are never fully whole unless you are together. You are my soulmate Clarke. When you are not with me a crucial part of my soul is missing." I can hear the emotions in her voice.

I unlock the door and open it slowly. As soon as its open Lexa engulfs me in a tight hug and I sink into it. Her warmth and smell calms me. Once we have both recovered from our emotions, Lexa helps me to get dressed into my armour which is slightly loose because I have lost so much weight and muscle. Lexa braids my hair and makes me look presentable and then stands in front of me looking into my eyes and looking rather nervous about something.

"Are you alright, hodnes (love)" I say to her confused and concerned.

She takes a deep breath and says "I have something I want to give you"

"Okay" I say curiously.

"I have been learning alot about Skaikru customs recently and I know that sometimes before the ceremony where you exchange the rings-"

"A wedding!?!" I interrupt suddenly.

"Yes that's right. A wedding. But let me finish before you say anything"

"Okay sorry"

"Sometimes before a wedding the partners will exchange a promise to each other to say that they will be together but aren't getting married just yet but they will. At least that's how I understood it. Is that right?"

"Yep pretty much. People sometimes exchange promise rings or whatever"

"I want to give you this as my promise to you" she says and she begins to untie something from her armour that I have never noticed before. It is a round, slightly worn looking gear head piece, much like the one she wears on her head but much older and attached to a piece of string.

"I was given this on the day of my ascension. It is the head piece of the first commander, Becca Pramheda. It shows honour, bravery and strength. Clarke, I used to believe that I got all of those things from within me but I was wrong. I am strong and brave when I am with you. I get all of those things from you. You do not have to accept this promise but here it is if you want it" with that she holds out the head piece. She is adorable when she's awkward.

I take it from her and answer her question with a kiss on the lips.

"I love you Lexa. One thing is though." at that statement she looks at me with worry in her eyes.

"I do not want to wear it on my armour like you do" I continue. More worry from Lexa "I would like you to tie it around my neck. If this is a promise from you I want it to me close to my heart and with me always."

I see Lexa physically let out a sigh of relief before she comes to tie the string around my neck.

When she is finished, she hugs me from behind and places a fleeting kiss on my cheek.

" I love you too Clarke"