As I lay behind Lexa, admiring her back tattoo with my fingers I am left thinking about what she said earlier, her words ringing through me 'that's why I..' I know how it must have looked to be her. I turned to face her faster than if she had just pulled a gun on me just to see what she was going to say. I wish she had finished her sentence.
I suddenly remember why I was going to talk to Lexa in the first place. I need to remind her. "If Octavia and I are going to make it behind the blockade by Dawn-"
"Shh" Lexa interrupts. Maybe I should consider what she told me earlier today. She said I could stay on this side of the blockade if I wanted. I'm not sure how that would work with the kill order but I trust Lexa and I know that if I were staying in Polis as the Hedas guest then no one would dare touch me, let alone kill me.
"Did you really mean it before" I whisper to her coupled with a kiss on the shoulder blade.
Lexa turns over so that she is lying on her back and looking at me. She smiles lovingly "Mean what?" she replies honestly.
"That, although we may be crossing a line, I could stay on this side of the blockade."
"Of course. You can stay in Polis as long as you wish"
I breathe a sigh of relief but I need to know if I'll be safe. Lexa can sense my worry and pulls me closer into her, whispering reassurances into my ear. After a few moments I manage to put my concerns into words. "Would I be safe here, with you. I mean what if your people don't like that I'm here or want the power of Wanheda and decide to use the kill order as an excuse for that". I stop my speech with a sharp breath realising that since I landed on the ground I have never minded if I died, but now I feel like I have something to live for, someone to live for. I let out a single silent tear and Lexa looks at me with complete understanding, as if she can read my thoughts. She visibly melts and I can tell that she is trying to come up with something to tell me. I shake my head, I don't want to hear something that will make me feel better I want to hear the truth.
"Beja tel op ai gon ridiyo, Heda." (please tell me the truth, commander)
Lexa sits up straight, hearing me speak in trigedasleng must have put her back in commander mode. I can't help but smile though sure to the fact that she is being all serious but she is sitting up in bed naked. She finally says "Clarke. You are my people. Remember when I vowed to treat you and your people as my own? I meant it then and I mean it now. But that is trivial right now, you are worried about your safety. I can tell you that while you are in Polis you will be under my protection and anyone who tries to harm you will be going directly against me and they will die for that. The only thing I can't do if gaurentee your safety. As I once saw with Costia that people I care about are not safe. People who want to get to me will use the people I love in order to do that. So I'm sorry but if you want gaurenteed safety I cannot give it to you. If you choose to stay I will do everything in my power to keep you safe. I would give my life for yours but I will not lie to you and I will not tell you you will be safe just because I love you and I want you to stay with me. "
"You love me?" I manage to stifle out just before my silent tears turn into real full blown tears.
"Of course. Ai hod Yu in (I love you) Clarke"
Lexa pulls me into her and I sink into the hug and cry.
Lexa kisses the top of my head to let me know she is listening
"I love you too"
YOU ARE READING
That's why I..Fanfiction
What should have happened instead on 307.. Clarke and Lexa live in polis as a couple and fight with the 13 clans, working through every problem that is thrown their way.