That's why I..

Chapter Fifty Eight

Lexa POV 

Once we emerge from the closet again, Gaia has moved on. Clarke goes straight back into her thinking mode. As she paces she is thinking out loud. 
"If this escape pod is the only part of Polaris left then perhaps the chip we're looking for is in there. But that doesn't explain why Jaha wanted whatever is in Lexa's neck. Maybe its connected to the chip. No but its not like Lexa has any sort of technology inside her. This flame thing must just be a symbol, she can't actually have something in her" she mutters to herself.
As she begins to trail off, clearly unsure of how to think she lets out a frustrated grunt. 
She finally remembers that I'm in the room some time later and turns to me. 
"Lexa I don't understand" she says with defeat in her voice.
"I think you are getting yourself confused with something else ai hodnes" I respond. When she doesn't reply but just looks at me with a mixture of confusion and anger, I continue. 
"This city we are in is named Polis after this machine because this is where the first Heda fell from the sky. You keep saying Polaris. Perhaps that is something different. See here, the machine only says Polis" I show her the writing on the machine. 
"I'm not confused Lexa. See how there are some burn marks in between some of the letters? That's what happens when a spaceship comes back into the atmosphere from space, it burns up a bit. These burn marks covered up the missing letters. The full word on the side would have been Polaris, but the a and the r are missing" she explains in a tone that is a mixture between angry and condescending.
"I understand and I believe you Clarke but I have to ask you to not say that to any more of my people" I say calmly in my commander voice so she knows I'm serious. The anger behind her eyes grows 
"What do you mean Lexa! Someone might be able to help us find the chip. If ALIE gets hold of it who knows what would happen. Or are you just saying this stuff because you're angry that I know more than you." she begins to yell 
"I do not believe that you know more than me. We have been taught different versions of the same events as we grew up. I believe what you are telling me even though it goes against everything I know and who I am. To disobey the sacred story of Becca Pramheda is the same as treason. Worse than that, I laik Heda. I could be killed and stripped of my command if I told anyone and yet I still believe you. I ask that you don't tell anyone else what you have told me and Gaia because it would destroy the alliance and my ability to lead. It is our religion and the story we have used to survive for 100 years. It would be distressing to tell everyone that it is different now. Do you understand?" As I said this I didn't ever stop looking at Clarke, because that was how I was taught to be a good commander but about half way through Clarke stopped looking at me and became very interested in the ground below her feet. She remained quiet so I asked again "Clarke, do you understand me?"
"Sha, Heda (Yes, commander)" she responded, cold and unfeeling, as if our relationship had never existed. She has never spoken to me in this way, like she is of a lower level than me, honouring me as the commander. She didn't even do that when we first met or when I left her at Mount Weather. She has always spoken her mind to me. It makes me feel uneasy. 
I step towards her and scoop her face up in my hands forcing her to look me in the eyes.
"To my people I am Heda. To yours, Commander. For you I am and will always be nothing more than just Lexa, the woman who loves Wanheda." tears fill Clarke's eyes as I speak 
"What is wrong ai Hodnes" I ask, worriedly. 
"Would you really get killed if you spoke out against the story of Polis?" she asks letting a tear fall down her cheek. 
"Yes." I answer honestly "once you ascend as Heda, you are the commander until you die. Only then can the flame be removed and given to the next commander. No one has ever had the flame removed while they are alive but it is believed that it would kill the person. So whether I get killed for treason or get my command taken off me, I would die." 
"Please don't die" Clarke says, her voice quivering with sadness 
"Even if I did die my spirit would live on within the Flame it would choose the next commander very wisely" I respond, knowing that I have told her this many times before. She looks at me with eyes full of sadness. I know that Clarke's people don't believe that anything happens after you die but I know better. There is proof in my dreams when the commanders spirits speak to me. One day I will die and become one of those spirits. 
"Clarke" I say to try and get her attention away from my death and onto the task we were on before all of this "I know where the chip you are looking for is" 
With this Clarke's face changes to pure excitement. She leans in a kisses me passionately but pulls away quickly
"Okay can you take me to it" she is practically jumping with excitement now
"No" I answer and her excitement dies immediately 
"Why not?" she questions 
"Because I already have it" I respond and continue when she looks at me confused  
"The chip you are looking for has another name to us. The flame." I say
"Well that's perfect. The commander has the flame and that's you." she says beginning to regain her excitement again 
"Give me your hand Clarke" I say and she obliges. I bring her hand up to the back of my neck where my tattoo is and a slight scar from my ascension 
"The flame stores the memories and the soul of each commander so that the next commander may be advised by them. It gets those memories because the flame is inside the commander from the day they ascend. I have the flame inside me and we cannot take it out" Clarke's hand drops and her mouth falls open 
"Oh my god Lexa" she exclaims
"What?"
"So every time you have told me that you spoke to the commanders in your head you weren't just meaning that you thought about it. You actually spoke to them because there is advanced technology in you" she says shocked and I just nod 
"Lexa you're a cyborg that's so cool!!!" she shouts making me laugh 
"I don't know what that is but okay" I say embracing her 

We spend the next few hours back in the tower planning how we can stop Jaha and the rise of the city of light without destroying ALIE 2. 
"So Becca created both ALIE and the flame which means that they must have at least similar technology within them. How does the flame work?" Clarke asks
"It's voice activated but I don't think the chips for the city of light work the same way. ALIE gets absorbed into their body and I don't think the chip can be removed at all but the flame connects with wires to the commander and then gets taken out again" I respond 
"When you talk to the commanders, what is it like?" she asks 
"I'm not sure I know what you mean?" I say confused
"Like do you just hear their voices or do you see them?" she elaborates 
"I see them. We sit together in a circle on our respective thrones in a version of the meeting room for the ambassadors" I reply, trying to add as much detail as I could 
"That must be like the flames version of the city of light" Clarke says, clearly beginning to understand something I haven't yet. 
"Can you leave from that room?" she asks 
"I have never tried so I don't know." the thought of walking around during my meeting with the past commanders in foreign to me. 
"I think we need to test that out. See if the city of light and your talking to the commanders are related" Clarke says triumphantly, like she has just solved something. I am still very confused but I love her so I will do what she asks of me if it means possibly ensuring the safety of both of our people.