Disdain, Agony, Hope, and Love #Wattys2020

Chapter 40

Miss Bingley was stunned into silence.

"And on the subject of pride," continued Darcy, rising from his seat, "I have learnt through experience that too much pride can be one of the greatest faults of a man - or woman. Miss Elizabeth Bennet was kind enough to point that out to me some time ago and though it was a hard lesson to learn, I now believe that she was perfectly correct."

He knew he was being rude to his friend's sister, but his dealings with Wickham and Lydia had given him a short temper.

Darcy paused before exiting the room.

"If you will excuse me, I have some work to complete."

He left and headed for his study.

It was some time later when all the paper work regarding the future of George Wickham and Lydia Bennet was completed. When all had been done, Darcy leaned his head back, tempted to just fall asleep where he sat.

A quiet knock on the door prevented him from sinking into slumber.

"Enter."

Georgiana walked through the door. Darcy shook himself into a semblence of conciousness and said,

"Good evening. Have our guests retired for the night?"

"Yes." She came and stood just in front of him. "I understand that Miss Bingley has been less than pleasing to you lately, brother. I believe that perhaps she may deign to add some civility in her tone now when she speaks of Miss Elizabeth Bennet."

Darcy smiled tiredly.

"That itself is a blessing."

"But you cannot blame her for her behaviour, brother," continued she. "I think ever since she has been aware of your attraction to Miss Bennet she has been jealous and felt challenged by her. She has tried to gain your affections for so long, and now to have all her efforts rendered worthless by a lady who has not even tried to make you love her must make her feel quite angry."

"It does not excuse her from insulting Miss Bennet in our own house," replied Darcy. "I hope you were not shaken by her mentioning Wickham."

"I was surprised," admitted Georgiana, "But I managed to regain myself not dwell on the matter. Miss Bennet was most kind. Fitzwilliam," asked Georgiana, "does she know about our involvement with him? I got that impression when she had been speaking to Miss Bingley."

"Georgiana, I hope you do not mind, but yes, i have told her. Do not worry, I trust her with my life and she will not reveal what happened that summer."

"I am of your opinion."

Darcy did not answer. Elizabeth had not told anyone of his dealings with Wickham, but if she had then Lydia would not have gone to Brighton and Wickham would not have eloped with her and . . .

Stop that. No more 'ifs'; it has happened and you cannot change the past, only affect the future.

Georgiana looked at her brother questioningly.

"What is your business, that had you hurrying to London? Is it something to do with Miss Bennet? The business only arose when you returned from visiting her in Lambton, and she left half an hour later."

"Georgiana, I do not wish to trouble you with my burdens," said Darcy, beginning the old argument again.

"Fitzwilliam, I am no longer a child, though you still see me as one. I would like to know."

"Georgiana . . . "

"You have protected me and cared for me for so long, but you cannot do that forever; there are others you must do that for. I am growing up; I have a right to know."

Darcy looked at his sister. Though little more than sixteen, her figure was well-formed, her air dignified and her appearance womanly and graceful. She was very similar to their mother, both in form and spirit.

She is growing-up - and soon she will marry and leave me here. All alone . . .

"If you put it that way, I shall tell you."

Georgiana sat in a nearby chair while Darcy related to her the whole of his activities since he had seen Elizabeth in Lambton. He told her of how he finally bribed Mrs Younge, Georgiana's former companion, how he found the fugitives and arranged Lydia's marrige to Wickham.

"The wedding is on Monday, and I must attend," said he, carefully gauging his sister's reaction.

Georgiana was sitting still, her eyes wide. She said nothing for some minutes, while Darcy began to dread that he had done the wrong thing.

"Why are you doing all of this for him?" she asked finally.

Darcy breathed a sigh of relief.

"I am certainly not doing this for him, dearest," he replied. "It is more for Lydia and her family."

"All of the Bennet family?" said Georgiana with one raised eyebrow.

"Yes, all of them," said he smiling.

"I believe you," she said in a tone that implied the opposite."

Darcy shook his head.

"You are doing all of this for no other reason than your love for Miss Elizabeth."

He smiled at her.

"Yes, my clever little sister, you are quite correct. But it is late, and I think we should both sleep."

When he went to bed, Darcy found that he was calmer and happier than he would have been had he stayed in London. He could almost forget the past week, almost forget Wickham, Lydia, Wickham's fear of him, Lydia's defiance, Elizabeth . . .

There is no more need for tears, my dearest Elizabeth, he said silently. I have secured the security and reputation of your family and there will be no more need for tears.

No tears, except for his, for his own happiness that now could never be.

Georgiana will find someone, Bingley has Jane, (here he swore to bring his friend happiness by reuniting him with Jane Bennet) And I have no one.

On Monday I am attending a wedding - the unification of a couple that do not truly care for each other, but a wedding all the same.

Yet another reminder that while men and women around him were finding people whom they could share their lives with, he had no one.

Elizabeth will also find someone to care for her, protect her, love her.

I just wish that it was me.