BLACK MOON ⍋ Remus Lupin

Chapter ThirtySeven - Speak Your Mind.

ARTY'S POV
I didn't hate James, but I kind of did. I wasn't ready to speak to Remus and I could sense (though I didn't look at him once) that he didn't know what to say. He probably didn't even know why he was dragged up here which made things feel worse. Made me feel stupider than I already did.

We kept silent for a long time. Neither one of us even attempting to let a struggled sound of broken speech escape our mouths. Even if the words we spoke didn't come out right or even formed a real word at all, there was just silence, nothing but sound of shuffling feet against the stone occasionally.

The night was dark and still. There were clouds hanging low in the sky, giving the illusion that I could reach up on the tip of my toes and be able to graze them with my fingers. No stars littered the darkness like they usually did. The sky was abandoned from its glittering friends. An empty, black sky was all that existed above the patches of heavy rain clouds.

The smell of rain was in the air. Cold and damp reacting off of the stones of the castle. The ledge I had my hands glued upon was freezing to the touch.

I finally turned my head to face Remus, ever so slightly and barely moving my body along with it. My eyes sadly looking him up and down.

He wasn't facing in my direction or  noticed I had ever so discreetly moved from my frozen position. He was in the same position as I was...hands stuck to the side of the balcony, looking out into the grounds. Watching nothing but the light breeze rustle the grass below, or perhaps just absentmindedly staring at the tiles of the roofing in front. Counting one by one to pass the time.

His fingers twitched as if he was moving in his head and it was translating to his body in a small way. He had his lip sucked up between his teeth, relentlessly chewing and chewing. His brows were furrowed and curved up lightly, creating a crease in the middle of his forehead. The wind had blown back his hair, removing the style that I had admired. He had rubbed his Halloween makeup off, a black smudge here and there and the sleeve of his jumper covered with the pale browns and black paint.

Suddenly a tear rolled down the side of his face, lingering and rolling slower past his scar (that strangely he hadn't gone to madam Pomfrey to fade yet). His hand instantly came up and wiped it away but it was too late, I had seen it. The moment of weakness.

"Why are you crying?" I whispered. Forgetting how to project my voice normally. He looked at me slightly shocked that he had been caught, but quickly replaced it with a smile and a small shake of his head.

That's when I saw it, the same smile he gave to me whenever I fell out with Sirius or had disagreements with the girls.

The same smile he gave to me when he showed me his new scar for the first time.

The same smile he gave when he admitted he had heard me laugh about the fact I didn't find him attractive, when I shoved my way past him in his dorm room. When I had told him I had felt nothing about him.

It no longer felt warm and shy. That's not what it was, it was pain. Something I had appreciated had come from Remus hurting and covering it up.

"Moony..." I sighed and took a step closer though it felt like I was wearing shoes of steel. The tiny step feeling almost impossible at first.

His eyes shot up at me like tiny little daggers and his fingers gripped onto the ledge.

"Where have you heard that name?" He mumbled sharply.

"James just said it before leaving. Lily said it a while ago and I thought I miss heard her, she supposedly didn't know what I was on about when I questioned her about it." I had explained. I took a deep breath in.