WAITING FOR THE BEGINNING

38. Remembering Nothing

The first ray of the day fractured by the crystal lamp base projects a kaleidoscope of colors onto Ping Ping's sleeping form. The flickering light shows different facets of her face - ranging from the familiar face he knows so well to a stranger resembling the girl he once knew.

They spent the remainder of the evening traversing thru her sketches spread out on the large coffee table. She asked questions about her past - her friends, her school, her parents, but never about them. As the night deepened into early morning hours, the chasm between them widened as it became apparently that Ping Ping could neither remember nor reconnect emotionally.

She fell asleep and he tucked her into his large bed, while he took up the chaise. The perplexing feeling crystallized when he saw the ring on her finger. He realized that while he's held onto his version of Ping Ping, this version of Ping Ping was and perhaps still is another man's wife.

A few hours later, he wakes up to a brightly lit and quiet room.  He leaps off the chaise; his heart drops to see the bed empty. 

Was it a dream?

"Ping Ping!"  He calls. No answers. He gets off the bed and pauses. Then he calls again, "Zhang Xiang Ling."

After a while, the bedroom door opens.  It is not a dream.

"Yes, President Chin."

No. It is not a dream - more like an illusion. There she stands, calling him formally. It's a start, he reminds himself.

"What time is it?" He grabs his phone - half past 11, with a couple of missed texts, voice mails. "Are you hungry? Did you eat?"

She shakes her head. Her stomach growls.

"I'll get dressed." He stretches. "After I order us some room service."

When he steps out of the room, newly showered and dressed in an expensive looking summer shirt and business pants, she breathes in sharply - how could this handsome and successful man be her boyfriend? What kind of life did she have? A sharp pain follows the thought - does she really want to remember all that she's lost?

"Did you sleep well?" After an elongated silence, he stirs his tea.

"Thank you. I'm sorry you had to sleep on that chair."

"It wasn't that bad. It is only for one night." He observes that she slows down her chewing. "Tao Zhen informed me that you are no longer at the apartment."

"Um. I had to move out."

"Did he kick you out?"

"Oh no." She stops herself before explaining what she doesn't fully understand. "It was kind of a safe house. Until we could find out my identity."

"Safe house?"

She nods, unaware of the implication of that word.

"What did your...that man do for a living."

"I..." Too late for her to catch on that she has revealed more than she should. It is just so easy to trust this man. "I don't really know."

De Yi weighs that information and makes a quick decision that he must remove her from this city, as soon as possible.

"Ping Ping. Lets go home today." He comes off more demanding than he intends.

"Home?"

"Shanghai."

"Oh."

"After lunch," De Yi continues, unaware of the subtle change in Ping Ping's demeanor. "I'll book us a flight back today."

He takes her silence as consent. "Everyone will be overjoyed to see you."

"President Chin." Ping Ping sets down her chopsticks. "Can I think about it for a few days..."

"Think about it?" Until then, it hasn't occurred to him that she wouldn't want to go back to Shanghai. "Why?"

"I'm not ready." Ping Ping forces a wry smile. "If it is all the same to you, can you not tell anyone that you've found me. I....I don't feel found. I feel even more lost."

"Ping." De Yi studies her, noticing a real panic in her eyes and how tired she looks. He interprets correctly but miscalculates what she really needs. He surmises that as before, she needs him to be her courage. "Don't be afraid. I will take care of you."

He offers that with such conviction; it is as if their relationship has progressed overnight from stranger to something more familiar than she knows what to do with. Suddenly, she remembers that she spent the night with him and the ring on her finger accuses her.

"I..." Ping Ping stands. "I think I should leave."

"Wait." He sets down his chopsticks slowly, carefully not to agitate her further. In all business negotiations, there is a give and take. And knowing when to give, when to take can determine the final outcome - winning versus losing the deal. Getting or losing what one truly wants. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pressure you."

"Thank you." Ping Ping pushes her chair in. "I just need some time."

"I understand. How long do you need?"

"I don't know." She begins to pick up her sketches and packing up her satchel.

"Where are you going?" It hurts him to corner her like this. But at this moment, all he can think of is to detain her somehow and keep her close to him. "I'll take you."

"I...I don't know." She lowers her head.

"Ping. It's okay." He comes around and takes the satchel. "Take all the time you want."