WAITING FOR THE BEGINNING

37. Time Only Goes Forward

Chin De Yi waited.  Lee Ping Ping did not come to him that first day.  Nor the second day.  

On the third day, he calls the flower shop only to learn that she no longer works there; Tao Zhen informs him that the lease on her apartment has expired and he has no idea where to find her.  

Both Tao Zhen and De Yi curse Wei Xin silently, at the same time.  Tao Zhen curses Wei Xin for his stupidity - taking the drastic move to force Ping Ping to return to De Yi.  De Yi curses Wei Xin for being ruthless and throwing away Ping Ping so casually.

His heart beats erratically as he speaks into the phone to give instructions to his staff.  His mind preoccupied - worried that she's wandering alone in this large city, afraid that she's lost to him again.

When he steps out of the elevator, he finds her sitting in the lobby with a small sack.  Her head bowed, examining the thin ring on her finger.     

"Ping Ping."  He calls out to her and she doesn't respond, until he steps directly in front of her.  Only then he remembers to address her by her other name. "Zhang Xian Ling.  Have you eaten?  Are you hungry?"  She looks up. 

 In the near empty cafe, while De Yi orders their meal, Ping Ping looks at the man across from her and tries not to compare him to Wei Xin.  She fails.

He orders what he says were her favorite food - while delicious, she misses the simpler farm-to-table food from the village.  The dishes she buys from the street vendors. They gaze at each other quietly.  Yet it doesn't feel uncomfortable; they know the other needs the time to find his/her bearings again.  

She studies the details of his face and slowly comprehends that they must have had some kind of intimate relationship; the sketches of him in the satchel capture the bit of scar on his upper left eye lid, and the way his lips purse together when he has that serious look.

He fights the urge to reach out and cup her face for a kiss and pull her into his arms.  Instead, he focuses on being content to stare at her serene face, even if it is just a mask hiding a myriad of disquietude.  

"Ping..."

"President..."

"Please.  You go first."

"President Chin, I'm sorry that I didn't come to you earlier."

Her calling him President Chin chafes his ears; it sounds too formal, too distant. Too strange.

"It's alright."  He responds carefully - her demeanor screams fragile, handle with care.  "I'm just glad that you are safe."

"Thank you."

Then the conversation lulls while she stirs the drink with the straw.

"Would you like to tell me about it."  After giving her the minute, he pursues.  "Why you didn't come to me earlier?"

"I was afraid."

"Of me?"

She shakes her head.  "Afraid of disappointing you."

The answer surprises him.  "How would you do that?"

"Because, I don't remember you."  She confesses.  "Not the way I think you want me to remember you."

"I know."  He smiles. This is the Ping Ping he remembers - no guile, no coyness.  "It's all right.  I'm just glad that I found you.  And that..."

"I'm not dead?"  She manages a placid smile.

"Um."  He nods. 

The conversation comes to that turning point.

"Ping."  De Yi reaches across the table with his hand.  She looks at it but doesn't reach for it.  "Don't be afraid.  I'm here for you.  Together, we'll find a way."

"What happens..."  Ping Ping starts.  "If I don't ever remember."

"Then."  De Yi opens his hand more, she puts her hand onto the edge of the table.  "We'll make new memories.  We'll start over.  And fall in love with each other again."

"Oh."  She retracts her hand.  "What if...."

To this De Yi has no answer.  It has not occurred to him that they may not return to where they left off.

"I'm willing to take that risk."  His open hand remains between them.  "I have faith in us."

Ping Ping looks at this man before him - professing love with such confidence and security.

She moves her hand tentatively and eventually puts hers in his.  De Yi resists the urge to clasp her hand so she would never let go.  Instead, he wraps his hand around her in a slow and assured manner.

When the meal is finally served, he reluctantly lets her hand go.  By dessert, the conversation bumbles more smoothly - Ping Ping asks and De Yi answering her in length.  She notices the tedious and factual nature of his answers.  

"What happened when you fainted."  As they finish the three hour meal, De Yi reaches for her hand again to help her out of the seat.  He has no intention of letting it go.

"I saw your face.  And recognized you from my drawings."  Ping Ping turns to look at him and accepts his hand.  "It's not entirely true that I don't remember anything."

"What do you remember..."

"I see bits and pieces.  Like scenes.  But I cannot get them to make sense."  She points to her bag.  "I have them in my sketch book."

"Let's take a look."  With that, De Yi hits the button to the elevator and brings them to the suite.