WAITING FOR THE BEGINNING

26. Memories Don't Always Fade with Time

With De Ai in college and De Yi traveling all the time to expand the family empire, the Chin family weekly dinners have become rare events.  When they gather, each member struggles with their own private emotions regarding what happened to the Lee's.  Especially the December that same year.

They waited two days before reporting the Lee's disappearance when Professor Lee didn't report to work, Ping Ping didn't report to school and a few brides posted angry remarks about Mrs. Lee not keeping her appointments.

He thought the first few days of not knowing was the hardest.  He was wrong. 

When the police answered their missing persons report with positive identification of Lee's remains, he felt as if his heart would stop beating.  The investigators concluded the incident as an accident - a funeral fire that went out of control.  

They did not locate Ping Ping's body, only the necklace, the one he gifted her, clutched in the hand of one of the male victims, next to Professor Lee.   He gave a matching necklace to De Ai.  The necklace speared his heart as it lay in his palm.  He didn't have time to react before De Ai  fainted into his arms.  He stood holding her like a statue.

Without a doubt, everyone assumed, the tragedy devastated De Ai the most, Ping Ping being her best friend.   It was such a reprieve when De Ai left for America for the summer as planned.  On the auspice that he was doing what he could to comfort this sister, De Yi took on the task of looking for Ping Ping, with the desperate hope that she was not lost to him.  He wished that someone would understand that Ping Ping meant just as much to him, if not more.

Days turned into weeks; weeks turned into months.  A year passed.  The authority relegated the case cold and presumed her to be dead.  

He buried himself with work - expanding the tea house business throughout Southeast Asia and starting tea plantations, packaging warehouses.  He blazed through an MBA program within a year.  When he ran out distractions, he tried drinking.

It is all he can do to not go crazy...to not think about Ping Ping, of what was and what was supposed to be.

It is New Year's eve again.  His family and the Ka Sha clan have gathered.  They opt to eat out. The fancy three-storied venue with an upscale dining room on the first floor, a full bar on the second and dance club on the third. 

De Ai countenance glows with joy.  Ka Sha as well.  The two just announce their engagement.  De Yi orders  champagne to celebrate the event.  The two mothers chatter happily about wedding plans, while the men talk of establishing a presence in the Americas, with New York as their headquarter.  Ka Sha and De Ai commit themselves to a long engagement, promising the elders to complete their education and to wait until they turn twenty-one. 

De Yi elates for his sister and his friend Ka Sha; yet their announcement accentuates the emptiness next to him and in his heart.  He orders more champagne and then more.  As if drinking would assuage the pain he feels.

Finally, Grandfather Chin invites him to the bar on the second floor.  He wheels Grandfather into the elevator.  His Grandfather reaches over and pulls the emergency break on the elevator.

"I noticed."  Grandfather Chin speaks gently.  "You miss her the most."

De Yi turns to look at his Grandfather.  He crumbles.  Someone has noticed.  Someone understands.  He bends down and puts his head on his grandfather's lap as if he were still a child.

"I..."  The words refuse to form.

"You love her."  Grandfather finishes it for him.  "And she was the one for you."

De Yi weeps without restrain.  Grandfather just comforts him until the tears abate.

"But."  Grandfather lifts up De Yi's head.  "We cannot stay in the elevator forever."

"Um."  De Yi collects himself.

"To move forward," Grandfather says not unkindly.  "You have to want to leave the elevator.  And do something."

De Yi looks at his grandfather.  "I understand."

Then the two of them stand in silence.  A long silence.  Until De Yi takes one long breath, holding it with his eyes closed and finally exhales.

"Yeh yeh."  De Yi speaks.  "I thought my feelings would fade with time.  But just the opposite is happening.  I don't know why.  But I don't want it to disappear."

"It may never disappear."  Grandfather pushes the elevator button.  "But sometimes, moving on is necessary."