Fluffy Phan One-Shots

Not Enough

Dan thought the phrase, "I love you" more times than he can count.

There was that time when he and Phil were cooking breakfast and Phil managed to get pancake batter on the ceiling. He was climbing on chairs and using a broom to just to try and get it off. Dan couldn't stop laughing as he watched Phil almost topple over and say, "Don't worry, I got this!" over and over. 

There was another time when he and Phil were brushing their teeth in the bathroom right after they had taken a shower. They watched each other in the mirror. Phil had toothpaste all over his face and his hand and Dan couldn't help his eye roll. It didn't help the way that Phil narrowed his eyes and scrunched his nose at him, trying to make a mean face that Dan knew was impossible for the cinnamon roll Phil was. They spent the while doing that: making faces and trying not to burst out laughing.

And there was that one time that he and Phil were walking through the streets of London and a girl walking near them dropped a bunch of papers. Most people kept walking, but of course, Phil didn't. He tugged on Dan's coat, pointed, and then immediately started to help pick up. The girl was just so grateful that somebody stopped on busy streets to help her out, and when Phil just smiled and said, "It's no big deal," it definitely pulled on Dan's heartstrings.

Even right now, early in the morning when Phil was making his way out of bed. His wild black hair draped over his grumpy face, his glasses falling off his head, the way he fumbled out of bed... it all made Dan want to blurt the words out then and there.

But he didn't. He never said it. It's not because he didn't mean it, no he meant it more than anything he's ever thought before. Dan Howell loves Phil Lester with all his damn heart, but he couldn't utter the three words. He wasn't scared of them, he knew Phil loved him back, that wasn't the problem. The problem with the words, "I love you," was that they weren't enough.

Dan didn't love Phil, he needed Phil. He felt as if Phil was the air in his lungs keeping him alive. The blood in his body, rushing through his veins and filling his cheeks, making them rosy. Phil was the color of his eyes, the light brown rippling through, making the dark brown seem much less dull. Loving Phil was the equivalent of ending your life with a satisfying feeling. Hell, if satisfaction and happiness were a person, they were Phil.

Dan thought about someway he could get this feeling through, though. What he could say that would make Phil understand how important he was. He wanted to say that he would wait a thousand years just to lay a kiss on Phil's lips. He would sit in darkness for the rest of his life so Phil could see the light of day. That he would drown every night just so Phil could breath.

He thought about saying, "I would die for you," but that didn't mean shit. Dan had said that about his favorite character of all the shows he's ever watched. Half of Dan's jokes correlated with the idea of death, so saying that would mean nothing to Phil. It would make Phil roll his eyes, maybe even jokingly smile or even laugh.

As he walked out of bedroom and into the living room, he was caught at another moment where the words were trying to bubble their way out of his chest. He watched as Phil tossed a marshmallow in his mouth, miss, and then proceed to stare sadly at it. As he brought his puppy dog eyes to Dan, Dan felt like the wind was being punched out of him. He needed to say something, anything to let Phil know that this thing he had for Phil was too damn important to lose.

"You make me want to live," The words burst out of his mouth before he could even think about what he could say.

"What?" Phil asked. A light pink brushed across his cheeks and the corners of his lips were turned upwards, the beginning of a smile.

"You make me want to live," Dan repeated, so utterly amazed with the words that he felt faint. They fit so damn well, because it was true. There was nothing in this world that could manage to get Dan out of bed with a smile each day other than Phil. Dan realized that this was the best way to put it, the only way to but it that actually fit.

"Wow." Phil's heart raced as he realized how important that was. How much he meant to Dan. He didn't even know what he could say back to that. "Dan I..." Phil didn't even think there were words to describe how he felt. Tears were flowing out of his eyes before he even felt himself pulling Dan into a hug. "Say it again," He whispered, pulling Dan into the tightest grip he could muster.

"You make me want to live." Those words. Those words right there, to both Dan and Phil, those words fit better then the words, "I love you" ever could.