Burn // h.s

Chapter 39

Song: Yellow by Coldplay. (totally thought of this the whole time I was writing this) 

"Do you think the stars are just stars?" I think out loud to Harry, gazing up at the night sky. We decided to walk home from our dinner that was just outside of campus. Blake insisted on giving us a ride but I refused and dragged Harry along with me to walk on this beautiful night. Nights like these were rare and pretty soon it would get too cold to even step foot outside of a warm buiding let alone walk outside at night, so I thought we better enjoy it while it lasts.

The night was clear and cool. So clear that we were able to see a scatter of stars which made me stare at them in awe as we walked down the entrance to campus.

"What do you mean?" Harry asks, stopping us in our place and looking up at the sky as well.

"I mean do you think the stars are just there or do you think they have a real purpose to us?" I attempt to count the cluster of white dots in the blackened sky but there was too many to keep track of. 

"I'd like to think they're people watching over us, people who have died but still feel a stong pull back down to Earth. I think they just enjoy watching and looking down on us, protecting us even. It makes me feel safe for some reason when I look at these stars. My mom always told me they were angels that God sent to make sure I was being good but it's so much more than that." He explains.

I take the opportunity of him looking at the sky to watch him. The light from the sliver of the moon was light enough to illuminate his features, making his jaw significantly more prominant in the shadow of the moon. His green eyes were glistening, his mouth was slightly open and his focus was so distracted by the beauty of the sky, that I found myself crying. Not because of looking at him, although it was a beautiful sight, but because I was just now realizing what he had said about the stars.

I turn away quickly once I feel the first drop land on my chest but he always notices when I cry, so instead I turn around and walk towards him. I just hugged him. Hugged him for being here, hugged him because his words were true, and hugged him mostly because I miss my mom.

He smiles down at me, thinking this is a sincere embrace, until he sees the wetness running down my cheeks. I didn't even try to cover it up, it was to hard to anyways because I felt one of my attacks returning. 

He looks at me for a second, completely bewildered at my sudden mood shift, until I give him a look that practically gives away my thoughts. "Your mom." he sighs and pulls me into his arms even closer. 

He looks back up at the sky and shakes his head in a dissapointed way, "I'm sorry I said that I wasn't thinking." he apologizes.

I try to speak but I'm back to those times where I can barely get air into my lungs. I wheeze in and out, trying to get the air flowing regularly into my lungs. If someone saw me like this they would think I was having an asthma attack but no, this is just a panic attack. 

I feel limp in Harry's arms, the shortage of breath causing me to lose my balance and fall into his arms completely.

"Char." Harry whispers, catching me as I drop all my weight on him.

"Okay breathe, in, out, breathe." Harry says, sitting us down on the ground and breathing in and out deeply for me to mimick.

I follow his actions and listen to his soothing voice, "That's it, just breathe baby." He holds onto my arms as his fingers trace up and down my hands until he entwines them with mine. He continues to breathe with me and after a couple minutes one of his hands rubs the small of my back. as my breathing starts to even out. 

"Don't apologize." was the first thing I could say. It had been on my mind the entire time that I couldn't breathe. I didn't even notice the fact that he called me 'Char' or 'baby' because all I cared about was making sure he knows he didn't say anything wrong.