Moments Worth Facepalming in Percy Jackson Fanfics

Orbs, Abs, and Judo-flipping

(Published August 22nd, 2014)

Orbs, Abs, and Judo-flipping

~~~

~Everyone has orbs, it's like Webster took "eyes, iris, and pupil" out of the dictionary.

~Along with these orbs, they are usual blue, green, or some non-existent color like pink. The colors brown, hazel, grey, and amber suddenly don't exist.

~The main character has five billion godly parents, blessed by another five billion, and yet never fights any monsters and is still considered a demigod.

Hi, my name is Aqua, I'm a daughter of Poseidon and my mom was a legacy of Zeus, and my grandma is a daughter of Ares and my mom's dad was Hades, I'm blessed by Hephaestus and Apollo and Aphrodite... (And so on)

~The main character is ALWAYS. A. GIRL. Like all the boys went to Neverland and joined the lost boys because seriously, I have yet to read a fanfiction where the main OC character is a boy.

~Coach Hedge is MIA. Maybe he got a part for the remake of his favorite Chuck Norris movie...

~All the main characters are usually Percy's long-lost whole sister.

        "Hi, my name's Aquamarine Jackson, and I'm Percy's long-lost twin sister."

        Percy: WHAT THE DI ANGELO?!

        Sally: Um...

        Poseidon: When did this happen?

~The main character always owns something that is unreachable to normal people like a pet tiger or something.

~The character's names have to do with their godly parent, like Oceane for Poseidon or Diamond for Hades. Or it's seriously complicated like Annabell Beth Katherine Louise Marie Ella Elizabeth Jacqueline Chase.

~All couples are referred to ship names.

Piper walked in on Percabeth kissing. "Hey Annabeth, can I talk to you?"

Percabeth stopped kissing, "Sure," Annabeth replied.

Like seriously, if you saw your friend kissing their boy/girlfriend, would YOU refer to them as a ship name? I bet you don't even have a ship name for people that aren't part of fandoms!

*gets a bunch of comments saying that they do make ship names for friends in real life*

....

I stand corrected

~All daughters of Hades' name is Scarlett. Seriously, why? Scarlett doesn't even HAVE anything to do with Hades, so why is it used so much? Like, I've never seen Onyx or Ruby used for Hades...

~People faint at random times for no apparent reason whatsoever.

Person: Omg, it's camp half-blood! FAINTS.

Person: Look, a Percabeth scene! FAINTS.

Person: Look, it's Chiron the Centaur! FAINTS.

Person: Hi! FAINTS.

~Everyone knows how to judo-flip and it's their only combat skill. SERIOUSLY, WHERE DO YOU LEARN TO JUDO-FLIP?!

~Grover and Juniper are MIA. They must've ran away, got married, and had kids because they are never mentioned.

~There is like A BILLION daughters of Athena. Like Athena, calm down.

~Leo suddenly forgot he loves Calypso and goes out with the main character.

Leo sat in bunker nine, he couldn't get Calypso out of his head. Suddenly a girl popped in. "Hi, my name's Annabell Beth Katherine Louise Marie Ella Elizabeth Jacqueline Chase, a daughter of Athena, and I'm new here." Leo suddenly forgot what he was thinking about.

"Hey, you wanna go out," He ask.

"OMG YES I LOVE YOU LEO VALDEZ CAN I MARRY YOU?"

~Everyone suddenly has access to bunker nine. It's like they were blessed by Hephaestus and is a fire user. Oh wait.

~Aphrodite is a huge fangirl.

Aphrodite: OMG THALICO IS SOOOOO CUTE, IMMA MAKE IT HAPPEN! *Snaps fingers* YAY, THEY JUST KISSED!!!!!!

Artemis: IMMA CUT YOU APHRODITE!!!!!!!

~Nico, Leo, and Jason have abs. Like seriously, Nico and Leo are FREAKING SCRAWNY and Jason... Jason, you're good.

~Everyone says "dam" even though it's inside joke between Grover, Percy, Thalia, and Zoe. And everyone says "schist" even though it was an inside joke between Hazel, Percy, and Frank.

Annabeth: Did you do that project?

Mortal: No.

Annabeth: You know it's a major grade, right?

Mortal: Schist.

~Monster free technology. C'mon guys, Leo isn't THAT smart...

~Chaos stories: Do I even need to explain this?

~Frank is MIA. He must've turned into that pet tiger the main character owns...

~If Coach Hedge IS in a fanfiction, the only word he says is: "DIEEEE!!!!!!!!"