Moments Worth Facepalming in Percy Jackson Fanfics

HIDE YOUR TUFO TACOS! THE TUFO-EATING BURGERS HAVE RISEN TO CONQUER US ALL!

(Published August 26th, 2015)

HIDE YOUR TUFO TACOS! THE TUFO-EATING BURGERS HAVE RISEN TO CONQUER US ALL!

~~~

~"Piper ate a hamburger."

She's a vegetarian.

Piper: BUT THE BURGER- THE BURGER IS SO GOOODDDEEEE.

But you're a vegetarian.

Piper: MEEEAAATTT.

Whatever happened to Leo's tofu tacos?

Piper: MY HAMBURGER ATE THEM!

Okkkaaayyyy then.

(from BrokenTimeTurner)

~Descriptions are either like this:

"I put on my blue seafoam green Gucci skirt with the rainbow bedazzle unicorn sparkles. My shirt is a whip-cream white with so many fluffy frills it would make Queen Elizabeth jelly. It had silver sprinkles and cupcakes (like real cupcakes) on it. My shoes are neon pink gladiator sandals that go up to my knees with little emoji poops on them. I put on my "Lol Bella Swan Was Actually Killed By A Vampire Red" lipstick on my perfect full lips. I then applied "Ariel's Entrails Seafoam" eyeshadow to make my sea green orbs pop. My mascara is a "Pollution Grey" and I put my "I Stole An Emo Girls Black Eyeliner" in a cat-eye design. Then I put on my "My Cheeks Are So Pink I Might As Well Faint" blush on my high beautiful cheekbones. I started to curl my golden hair with natural aqua blue tips with my $500 "Sexy Curly Beast" curling iron. Last but not least I put my $18,649,576 diamond hair clip in my hair then went with the rest of my cabin to the mess hall for breakfast."

Or

"I threw on the first thing I saw then left."

Okay, have fun sporting a phone and nightstand!

~The Author needs more variety in their characters because the readers are sick of reading about white chicks.

So they make characters of other races.

For example:

ShaNayNay: The Black Chick that loves fried chicken and kool-aid.

Chia Chong: Some Asian girl that gets straight A's and has no life.

Like, can't you have an Asian named Rosie?

Author: No, the Asian must be Chia Ching, so the audience knows they're Asian.

Rosie: BISH I AIN'T CHIA CHING!

~Chuck, Mellie, and Coach Hedge have flown to China because they aren't mentioned anywhere.

How are the Kung-Fu lessons?

~ "Oceane Jackson is a daughter of Poseidon but doesn't know who her mother is. She goes to CHB and Meets Percy Jackson. Then Oceane goes on a quest with her new boyfriend Nico Di Angelo to defeat Kronos and gaea.

(I SUCK AT SUMMARIES JUST READ DA BOOK IT'S RLLY GOOD.)"

Bro, can you even summarize?

Ain't nobody gonna read a book with a sucky summary. Your summary quality reflects your book quality, if it sucks, then so does your book.

But there's a Summary-Writing Camp right down the road!

(from Sun-Sky-And-Sea)