Peter and his Superfamily

Spiderman Diss Track

It's been a week since Peter's epic performance, and boy were the avengers going to hit him hard with this one. They decided Clint would be the one to sing it since Peter roasted him the hardest.

Right now Peter was in his room, completely oblivious to all the set up happening in the living room. He was on his bed, on his phone, just mindlessly scrolling through Instagram. (Okay actually mood though)

The avengers were downstairs. Clint was reading over his lyrics, Steve and Bucky were setting up a stage, Tony was setting up a mic while Natasha, Thor and Loki made some popcorn.

When all was set up, Loki used his magic to create a danger that would set off Peter's Spidey senses.

Sure enough, Peter felt it. He jumped up and ran downstairs into a pitch black room. Before he could react he was grabbed and placed into a chair. He realized he couldn't get up.

"What the hell!?" Peter yelled. He heard a faint 'language' come from the corner of the room.

Then a spotlight came on and revealed Clint, standing there on a stage with a mic. Peter knew where this was going.

"Oh come on Peter, you really didn't think you'd get away with that diss track, did you?" Clint said, "this is from all of us."

Peter heard a steady beat go, and it was actually kind of catchy, little did he know, Clint was such a good rapper. Not better than him though.

"Spiderman, Spiderman, does whatever a spider can? Yea, no. Last time I checked, spiders don't sleep with teddy bears. Last time I checked, spiders don't get their lunch made for em. Last time I checked, spiders could actually get a girlfriend.

Listen Pete, you know we love ya, and I'm not saying any of this to hurt ya, but we gotta get you back after your killer diss track, so here it goes, Lil'hawk is taking over.

You insult all of us saying we ain't got no dates, but last time I checked your calendar's emptier than space. You like that girl MJ, but you'd never tell her that. You hide behind your legos, and you know I'm spitting facts.

Spiderman, Spiderman, swings from a rope. Now I'm not gonna lie, that's actually pretty dope. Spiderman, Spiderman, can he swing from a web? Yes he can, unless there's no buildings around. Then that powers pretty useless, don't ya agree?

The red and blue, you know it's really all too much. We all know why you chose those colours though. Iron Man is red, and Cap is blue, just admit they're your idols, they're kind of mine too!

Now it's time to get personal, and I think you know where this is going. Spiderman has been all over Twitter for this one particular thing.

It's your frog Pete, the one in your mouth, when I saw this joke I actually almost peed myself. I think it's about time you let that guy out. I'm not sure if you do it to look cool, but personally I think it makes you look like a fool!

Peter, we all really love ya, but you talk a mile a minute about the randomest things. A lady bought you a churro cause you helped her find her cat, then a mugger stole a purse so you took it right back. You'll stop anything and everything with your heart of gold, but let's not forget how long you'll sleep if you get cold!

I'm not gonna lie, it's been really hard to diss you, because you are, my perfect nephew. So let me hand it over, to the man in charge, the one that you call dad and Mr. Stark!"

Clint handed the mic to Tony, who looked pretty nervous. Peter was also shocked when he started rapping through. He was good. Really good.

"Hey Pete, I bet you think I'm gonna roast you. But I actually wrote this to say how much I love you. You are my son, and I wouldn't trade that for the world. Your amazing personality can light up a whole room.

You brighten up my day, just the way you are. From lab time to movie night, every minute with you is special. Everyone here can agree with me, we love you Pete, I'm so happy we got to meet.

When you are Spiderman, you can do anything. You're a bigger hero than all of us combined. You swing from your webs, and save the day, when people see Spidey they all shout Hoo-ray!

Yes I will admit, you've scared me before, but I always got excited when you walked through my door. You're a tough kid Pete, always been, from when you lost your parents to your Uncle Ben.

You've lost all of the father figures in your life, and maybe one day I could fill that hole. What I'm trying to say, is that maybe I could, one day have the honour of calling you my son.

Peter Parker-Stark, it's got a good ring to it, you might even say it's pretty lit! Pepper's got the papers, it's almost official, all we need is your agreement and then it's done, Peter you are my son.

Spiderman may be one of the greatest heroes, but Peter Parker, you are my hero. You saved me from spiralling and I can't thank you enough, so I have one simple statement about legal stuff.

Peter, I want to adopt you."

Tony stopped and he was panting. Peter had tears in his eyes. Someone had removed the bonds from his chair and so he ran up to Tony and hugged him tightly.

"I would love that... dad."

Bet you didn't expect that ending! There have also been some people who thought I copy and pasted these 'diss tracks' but I typed them all out myself! I hope you enjoyed! Thanks for reading! Also HOLY CRAP WE HIT 50K!?!?!? That's amazing guys thank you sooooooooooooooo much!!!
~Taco