Wounds [Bellamy Blake]

Damaged Goods [Chapter 44]

                Before he could say anything, whether that he loved me or not, I smiled and spoke gently, "It's a rash emotion, I know. And if you don't return it, don't say it."

                Bellamy seemed puzzled by my reaction to his hesitation. Perhaps he expected a slap, or some rant about how he was supposed to love me. But I also knew that love was sometimes one-sided, but that didn't mean I wanted to part from Bellamy. Perhaps in time, however much we found ourselves left with, he would realize that he loved me as well. Though, it was not something I could entirely count on. He was a fickle man.

                "Ava, I care so much about you." He said.

                I smiled, "That's enough for me."

                I could see in his eyes that there was guilt for not returning the feeling, but I hadn't expected it. Our brisk time apart, not knowing if I would ever see him again, showed me just how much I cared about him, but also revealed to me that I was capable of living without his love. I placed my hand on his shoulder and used my foot to push me upwards, placing a gentle kiss on his cheek. His eyes were still full of question, guilt, wonder even.

                "Let's get some rest." I suggested.

---

                It was nearly noon when I woke; Bellamy was out of the tent by then. The lack of sleep I got when I was a hostage to the Grounders had been made up by now, and I was finally feeling refreshed and enlightened. I slipped into my pants and pulled a shirt over my head, making a mental note to wash my clothing when I washed my body. Before I left the tent, I spotted the bow that Bellamy had found for me; beside it was a dozen arrows that were whittled skillfully with elegant feathers on the ends.

                I grabbed one, studying it, and deciding that I would train. Everyone else had a gun, but there weren't enough to go around. The Grounders would easily defeat me in hand to hand combat, so a dagger was out of the question. Our options were limited, but if I had any say in the matter, I was going to have long distance weapons. Just as the Grounders had, I could hide in the trees and strike from above. As I pondered the skills I would have to learn very quickly, I could hear people talking not too far from where I was.

                Of course, this was nothing unusual in a camp of nearly one hundred teenagers. However, it was Clarke, Raven and Bellamy discussing something. When they spotted me, they all gently smiled. It was Raven who spoke up, explaining our plans for the day whether or not I was to join.

                "The drop ship that failed to land..." Raven glanced at an uneasy Clarke. "Might have survivors, supplies... If anything is salvageable, we need to get there and bring back anything we can."

                I nodded, though uneasy about going out in the open again. I wasn't naïve enough to think that anyone had survived the fall in that tin can they called an Exodus ship, but supplies could have made it, and the metal itself could come in handy to add to our walls, make new weapons. "When do we leave?" I asked.

                "As soon as possible." Raven nodded down to the bow, "Do you know how to use that?"

                I shook my head, "No. Well, the basics, yes, but I need to train."

                "Better grab a backup weapon." She noted.

                "Duh." I chuckled, then turned on my heel towards Bellamy, "Thanks for letting me sleep in."

                "Of course." He smiled, "You sure you want to go out there?"

                I nodded, "I can't stay in these walls forever."

                "You're very brave." A girlish voice teased.

                I turned and grinned, "Nova!"

                She smirked, "I was wondering when you were getting back."

                "I was waiting on you guys." I laughed.

                "We aren't much of a rescue team, I have to admit." She said sheepishly.

                "Well, you held the fort here."

                She shrugged humbly, "We did our best."

                "You coming on the trip out?" I asked her.

                She shook her head, "After what happened to you? No."

                I rolled my eyes, "Well, I'll see you when I get back."

                She hugged me then, tighter than anyone had hugged me before. I could feel her warmth radiating from her body, her muscles clenching as she attempted to hold me there. Slowly, my arms lifted and hugged her back. However, it felt more than a hug a friend would give you...

                Startled, I pulled back, "I will come back this time."

                She smiled, "I'm holding you to that."

                "Ava!" Raven called, "Let's get a move on."

                I turned, slinging my bow over my shoulder and my quiver made of thin metal over the other. My dagger at my hip, and another tucked in my boot, I gripped my hatchet. Raven widened her eyes when she saw how armed I was, but nodded to herself, realizing how justified it was to want to arm myself with every possible weapon.

                Falling into Bellamy's long stride, I kept my eyes peeled for Grounders both around us or above us. After having been with them for a few days, I had learned their movements, their outfits, their skills. Losing me might be their biggest flaw in this upcoming war; I had so much information on them now that I would obviously report back to the Hundred. Though, information and skill were very different things, and we lacked in the latter department.

                 "About what you said last night..." Bellamy started, "I don't know what love feels like, to be honest."

                "You'll know it when you feel it." I told him.

                "How do I know that the feelings I have no aren't love?"

                "Bellamy," I said firmly, "When you truly love someone, you will like their good qualities, but you will love them for their fall backs and flaws."

                "You have no flaws." He said.

                I snorted, "That's false love; overlooking my flaws is your first problem. I'm filled with flaws. I'm damaged goods."

                Bellamy grabbed my arm, "Ava, you are not damaged."

                The sternness of his voice, and the seriousness in his eyes startled me, and the others as well it seemed. Everyone had come to a halt, staring at us. An uneasy feeling filled the air between us, and all I wanted was to move on, both from the conversation and from the location. Standing in one spot was risky, dangerous. And discussing the fact that Bellamy wasn't in love was me was risky for my own well-being. Because no matter what Bellamy said or believed, I was damaged, I still had open wounds. 

Eee! I have so much in store coming up! And I am so excited for you guys to read it! Your feedback is phenomonal now, all the comments, votes and personal messages... Really, truly motivating! xo