Slick Cement

Don't Ask

*Sherlock POV*

Annorexia. Anxiety. Depression. Occasional relapses with drugs. Trust issues. I messed everything up already, she knows. Not everything, but something.

"Sherlock?"

"I'm fine."

"I asked if you wanted some tea."

"Oh. Yes."

Molly leaves her room, going downstairs to make tea. Redbeard, sensing my increasing anxiety levels, sits in my lap and lies his head on my shoulder. John doesnt ask. He doesnt say anything. We do this at least once a month, he knows what's wrong with me.

"Please John, dont tell her."

"I wont. I promise."

"What does she know?"

"This."

"That's it?"

"As far as I know."

I look down at Redbeard, touching noses with him to show that I have calmed down enough to be let up. He pulls off of me, sitting protectively by my side.

"Stay there, you shouldnt be walking around yet."

"Why not?"

"Sherlock..."

"Yeah?"

"You need to tell her eventually."

"Eventually yes, but not yet."

Molly walks back into the room, spiking my anxiety levels again. Redbeard tugs on my sleeve, making me lie down so he can lie on my chest. I stare into his deep brown eyes, studying the gold flecks that are there. His fur is soft beneath my shaking hands, gentle pressure on my chest by his body. I calm down slowly, sitting up once my heart rate is more normal. Redbeard stays on top of me until I press our foreheads together, noses brushing lightly. It is his signal that I am okay, one of the many things I didnt have to train him for.

"Sherlock, are you okay?"

I nod slowly, still staring into Redbeards eyes. He sits down, lying his head on my knees. Molly sits beside me, taking my hands and putting a cup of tea in them.

"Drink something."

She backs off when Redbeard stands, putting his body between hers and mine. John is watching me closely, not speaking until I move again.

"We need to take you home. Do you want me to call Mycroft down? He could drive you."

"No."

"Do you want us to take you home?"

I nod again, still not moving. Redbeard stands, moving off of my legs.

"Come on. Mycroft said he wanted you back as soon as possible."

John helps Molly collect my things, sticking them in my bag. I stand slowly, grabbing Redbeards leash and following them out of the room. Redbeard keeps Molly away from me, trying to keep my anxiety under control.

"Breathe Sherlock, you're okay."

Mycroft answers the door, pulling me inside quickly.

"Go to your room, I'll be up in a minute."

Redbeard leads me upstairs, looking back every few seconds to make sure I am still coming up behind him. I lie down on the floor, calling Redbeard over to my side again. He lies on my chest, head resting on my shoulder. I start talking to him, explaining what happened. He listens, as he always does, without complaint.

"Sherlock?"

Mycroft steps into the room, sitting on my bed.

"Hey, what happened?"

"They're back."

He knows what I'm talking about, the nightmares.

"Are you okay now?"

"I think so."

"Wake me up if you need anything. I'm going to go back to bed, try to get some sleep."

"Okay."

Redbeard climbs off of me, licking Mycrofts hand before he leaves the room. I sit up after the door closes, leaning against my bed.

"Redbeard. Come here."

He walks over, lying across my lap. I run my fingers through his fur, focusing only on him and his breathing.

"I don't know what to do, I'm worried about her. Anderson wants to hurt me, but I dont want to hurt her either. And it hurts, it hurts so bad. Everything is messed up now, she wasn't supposed to find out about anything. I don't want her to know what I have, what's wrong with me."

Redbeard licks my face, lying back down against my side. I hug him against me, pressing my face into his fur. After a while I let him go, watching him lie down next to me. My anxiety is still bad, so I pull a lighter out and light a cigarette. Redbeard whines softly at me, tugging my sleeve.

"Stop."

He stands up, grabbing my pack off the floor and nudging the door open.

"Give it back. Come here, now."

I stand, chasing him downstairs. Mrs. Hudson is in the kitchen, taking my cigarette pack from Redbeard when he comes over to her.

"Sherlock!"

"Give them back."

She walks into the sitting room, dropping them into the lit fire. Redbeard sits down at my feet, looking up at me.

"Give me the one you're smoking now Sherlock."

"No."

Mrs. Hudson walks over and takes it from me, tossing it into the fire as well.

"Now, come sit down and have some tea or go back to bed."

I run back upstairs, Redbeard at my heels. He jumps onto my bed, tail wagging.

"Little devil."

He barks once, rolling over for me to scratch his stomach. I lie down next to Redbeard, curling against him and falling asleep.