Wattpad Block Party - Summer Edition IV

-peachyskies Presents: Book Trailers and New Chapters

It was on the night of April 16, 2017 that my mother lost her life.

A single tear runs down my nearly colorless cheek, followed by a few more until they are a steady stream. Exactly two years ago, at this exact point in time, my family lost the glue that held it together. I lost a mom, my brothers lost a mom, and my dad lost his wife. Since then, none of us have been the same.

There are many stages one may have to surpass before reaching the dead end of acceptance.

Stage One: Denial. It is during this stage that the world around me seemed to collapse effortlessly. I was numb, cold under a brutal fan of shock. It's safe to say that I spent a lot of my time denying that the accident even happened, or that I was also apart of it.

Stage Two: Anger. Yes, once the storm of denial had finished its course, a tidal wave of rage decided to suffer a visit. It struck Caleb and Dylan the hardest, Dylan especially. He took his anger out on everyone and everything around him, including me and the rest of his friends. Everytime someone even mentioned Mom to him, that was when he seemed to go off the deep end.

Stage Three: Bargaining. I have to admit that this was the stage we all decided to skip.

Stage Four: Sadness. This was the one that took a roughest toll on me. After the denying, the flood of emotions, and the preying had run dry, it was time for the cruelest feeling of all to take control of the reins. It is when we are violently ripped from our fantasies and forced into the face of reality. It's an emptiness that feels as though it would never go away, a raw collection of desolation, guilt, and regret all compiled into a carousel of pain with a never ending cycle. That's one attraction that I rode on for a while before I was finally able to reach the last stage.

Which brings me to Stage Five of the five stages of grief, according to a majority of internet articles: Acceptance. This is the final step in the journey, the last page, the ending to a sad story. Once one has successfully completed all five, they can finally let go of the grief that has been holding them back. It is a time for last goodbyes. We all can find a way to tolerate the arduous truth; our loved ones are gone and are not coming back. Somehow, some of us find a way to be okay with that. As for the remainders, a part of us will always remain trapped in the guilt.

I'm what is called a remainder. A part of me is still trapped in that car, broken glass around me, my head resting on the roof, and my mom's lifeless body beside me.

Honestly, sometimes it's hard to accept that I've reached acceptance.

My thoughts are whisked away by a faint breeze that blows wisps of my blonde hair across my face. The evening softly kisses my skin, wrapping me in its arms, smothering me with comfort. I've always loved this time of night, especially when I'm enjoying it from the best view in town. The roof of my house has always been the place I go to when I wish to be alone. It's where I can think, cry, relax, and remember all at the same time, and 2:35 in the morning and the precise time to take advantage of that. There are no cars speeding down roads, no noisy neighbors to interrupt my thinking, and no one to judge me when I cry or talk to myself.

Tonight is truly beautiful, as it is every other night. Silver stars disperse in the sky, some more vibrant and some faded. Each one illuminates the darkness and creates a surreal blanket of blacks and blues. Every intricate pattern up there looks like stardust. I find it calming. This is the one thing that I enjoy about Indianapolis - the skies are never polluted by light. Mom liked that too.

She's one of the reasons why I'm always up here. The two of us used to do this all the time. She would lead me on to the roof and we would spend hours just looking at the stars and identifying different constellations, some of which we would make up ourselves. My brothers would occasionally join us, but it was mostly just her and I. It was our time together. But now those moments are gone, and there's no way to recreate them.