evethespy Presents: How To Care For Your Writer

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"I have arrived, peasants!"

"Why are you late? Why are you dripping wet? I have so many questions."

"My car broke down on the way here and I forgot to bring an umbrella."

"Wow, I can't believe you have a reasonable explanation."

"Psych! I fell into a river because I tripped on a rock while staring up at a cloud shaped like Wall-E. Now I need to give you a welcome hug!"

"Wha– no! Get off me before you drench my new suit."

"Ugh, why are you wearing a suit? You are so boring."

"I'm wearing a suit because it's a formal occasion! It's our third time introducing Yilei for the Wattpad Block Party."

"Oh, that spy person? How did she get invited back to this event?"

"Psst, genius. She pays us, remember? Now shut your face before we get fired."

"Fine by me. I have two side businesses anyway."

"What? When? How? Why?"

"An entrepreneur never tells."

"I'm going to continue pestering you after our shift ends. Anywho, Yilei wrote an instruction manual on how to take care of writers."

"Uh, how to do what now?"

"Hold on a sec. Is this script legit?"

"Yep, she's really gone off the deep end this time. An instruction manual? Totally cuckoo."

"Well, even though she may be scraping the bottom of the barrel here, we still hope you enjoy the whatever she's written this time."

"Why do you keep speaking to thin air? You're just as cuckoo as our boss."

"I would rather speak to thin air than you."

"Touché."

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To Whom It May Concern,

Your Writer has been delivered to your doorstep. We will require a signature before you are able to claim ownership over Your Writer, and we have provided instructions below on how to properly take care of them.

INSTRUCTIONS

When you unbox Your Writer, ensure that they are equipped with pen and paper, along with a functional laptop.

Our writers have been programmed with the ability to type up to 120 words per minute, but those models wear out quickly. The model you have purchased types at a speedy 80 words per minute and is able to maintain typing stamina for up to three hours.

Your Writer may choose to write with pen and paper, but be prepared for ink blotches staining your desk and frequent complaints about hand cramps.

Many writers have specific spots in which they enjoy writing. We have found that the majority of them enjoy cafés and libraries, along with their own beds or blanket forts.

If you wish to go the extra mile and build a blanket fort for Your Writer, make sure to embellish it with twinkle lights and many pillows. A scented candle may also please Your Writer. If they enjoy the sound of rain, we find that screaming at the sky to "get on with it" is ineffective. We suggest downloading an app which plays rain sounds, which Your Writer will be satisfied with.

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