You Can't Break Her

Chapter sixteen: part seventeen | November

November 2007
Bayhollow, Ontario

I was checking my emails quick before going to take a shower one night. Everyone was busy watching a movie and I wasn't in any mood to converse. I scrolled through the list and saw a familiar name.

Margot was my birth companion, she visited the hospital with me constantly and called Patrick when we thought it was time for our son to arrive. She was attending university to become a midwife and was assigned to me during my stay at the pregnancy home. We hit it off and she answered any questions I had during the process.

I clicked on the email with the header, Hello. I saw Margot's name at the top and read down a bit.

'My project partner and I, are putting together a book. We are looking for young women that have been through a lot to add to it. I thought of you immediately, we haven't known each other very long but I know you have something contribute.'

I signed out and turned off the computer without a word of the news to my foster family.

What could I possibly add to a book? What difference would the ramblings of an angry teenager do? Who would that help?

The next day I checked my emails again, mostly to be sure I wasn't dreaming and she had really asked me to contribute to her book. The email was there, from Margot, Hello. It was no longer highlighted because I had read it the night before. I opening it and hit reply.

'I'm not sure I'll be much help but I'll do what I can.'

Two days later I received a consent form in the mail that I signed and sent back. I emailed her my entry and she replied soon after.

From Margot, re: Hello

'We have to edit the entries and I'll send it back before we finalize everything and we're ready to publish the book.'

A few days later she replied once more.

From Margot, re: Hello

'This is the finished product:

For my son

I loved being pregnant, not that I am telling anyone to go out and get pregnant, but it put a lot of things into perspective for me.

I got pregnant just after my 16th birthday. I have learned many unfortunate lessons earlier than they should ever have been taught. I was physically abused from birth to six years old. I have been involved with the Children's Aid society since I was born. I have smoked since I was eleven and drank since I was twelve, also trying pot off and on for a year. I've realized that life isn't easy.

When I got pregnant, CAS moved me to a home for teen moms in a big city — that place was the best thing hat ever happened to me. At the same time that I moved, my foster parents moved to the other end of the province. I was devastated. After I had my son, I only took care of him for two weeks until CAS took him out of my care, and placed him with a foster family. It was one of the staff at the home that helped me lose my son but I am not holding any grudges. Everyday since he was taken I have hated myself and blamed myself for losing him. This led me to allow my foster parents to adopt him. And now I'm here without my son.

I've learned a lot. I followed the path the made the most sense to me. To those who have been there and supported me... I will NEVER EVER EVER EVER forget you.

Anonymous, 16'

And that's how I was published for the first time at sixteen years old.