You Can't Break Her

Thirteen| Lock-fixer

June 1995

My baby brother spent a lot of time with his dad. My Mom took advantage of the opportunity that with me she was never given. Ben married his girlfriend, and they started a family.

It was a beautiful day, great for camping or picnicking. Trevor was with Ben's new family, and I sat alone.

I needed an adventure.

I gazed out into the backyard, planning to put together a lunch bag to go to the park. I packed ramen noodles, cookies, and a juice box and walked myself to the fenced-in park around the corner from my house. I set up my things on a picnic table and eating a cookie. I took in my surroundings.

There was a mother with her young red-headed child playing in the sandbox. Two boys and a girl were climbing across the monkey bars, laughing, I put my lunch away, feeling out of place.

The young girl saw me, whispering to her friends before running over. "Hey, my name is Selina." She rocked the table when she sat across from me.

"Amaris," I whispered.

"This is Todd and his little brother Grant," she pointed to the boys who jogged up behind her. "Do you live in this neighbourhood? I've never seen you around."

Selina's loud voice made me cower. The things she said weren't frightening; she was not screaming in anger, but the pitch made my ears ring.

"I live over there, on the other side of the fence."

Grant nodded.

"I'm in the yellow and brown house," I added, hoping that would end the interrogation.

"Oh, we're in the big wooden apartment building," Grant eagerly divulged.

Selina shook her head and laughed. "Silly boys." She ran her hands through her hair. "It's nice to have another girl around here. It's all boys, you'll see. We should hang out.

I nodded, I had no words. This was uncharted territory for me. No one my age had ever reached out and tried to befriend me, once they saw my home life and my mother, people kept their distance, but these kids didn't care. Selina needed a female friend, and the boys were just doing what they could to keep themselves entertained.

We played at the park together for a few hours that day. I sat on a red ant hill, which put a damper on things, but not for long. We hid in the play structure and had conversations that were prohibited around parents.

The ending was unfortunate, as I had not told my sleeping mother that I was leaving when I ventured out of the house that morning. She arrived when I was leaving, twisting my arm as she yanked me home.

"You should have left a note or woke me up and told me what you were doing!" Jess shouted when we got home. "You could have been kidnapped!"

"I was bored. I tried to wake you up I and you got mad... I made friends."

Pacing the kitchen in front of me, she glared in my direction. "You can't just do whatever you want. You are not old enough to make your decisions! Go to your room."

Two hours later...

I heard my mother on the phone. Within seconds her voice turned frantic. She collected me, and we walked a few blocks to her friend Judy's house. There was screaming in the house and the crashing of thrown items.

Judy's home was tucked away at the end of a dead-end street. Her driveway bordered by a chain-link fence with enormous pine trees next door. It always reminded me of a fairy home, kept pure by its hidden location. That imagery would end today.