You Can't Break Her

Chapter sixteen: part four | February

February 2006
Bayhollow Catholic High School
Bayhollow, Ontario

Every inch of ground was overflowing with mountains of white, fluffy snow. The path from the senior's parking lot was frozen solid and made for a deadly excursion. The terror of that trek paled in comparison to the 'smoking section' located out back of the school in the bottom of a tall hill that iced over like a fancy cake from a fine bakery every winter.

Many hours I spent watching fools bust their butts as, they made their way to one of three places their addiction was allowed.

I was never one to judge too harshly, I; myself started smoking very young hence the slippery travels. When I reached the end of the once dirt, now glare ice, path, I lost my footing but was safely cradled by a snow bank that generously dumped much of itself down my coat and into my shoes.

That is just great, how come you can't do anything right?

I grumbled nonsensically to myself but stopped short to be sure no one had noticed or tried to help.

There is nothing that any of these idiots can do for you. You made your bed now you have to lie in it, Ama.

I did have acquaintances and people I called friends at some point but when mornings rolled around it was just another butt-face trying to bum a smoke or talk my ear off about subjects that didn't interest me.

You can't push this away with noise. You have to face facts!

Music was my escape to another place. Just a line from a song and I could be brought to tears. It built me up when I didn't know if I could ever recover. Music was my best friend, always there with just the right thing to say in my moments of severe depression. Freeing my mind and allowing me to soar to heights that may have seemed unimaginable otherwise.

Now what? Are you in more trouble?

My eyes were drawn up to the top of the hill where our principle, Mr. Greer stood. His arm frantically motioning for the mass of 30 students to follow him.

His lips are moving, do you think what he's saying is important? Oh yeah, don't mention anything to the authorities, you don't need their noses in your business.

I shrugged and followed my fellow students up to the hill.

You'll have to tell someone sooner or later though, you can't just keep something this big a secret!

We moved hastily into the parking lot and through to the middle of the school where the office was located. We were asked to sit in the waiting area while they ushered multiple students - that had previous issues with teachers or the law - to enclosed areas. Pulling the well-known dealers into the main office with both vice principals and Mr. Greer.

Are you going to take your headphones out? You might want to hear what's happening. You don't even know why you're here!!

I raised my hands to my coat zipper, and there they stayed behind a moment.

What if they know?!

My fingers scurried to my ears and yanked the pieces out.

"Amaris, we would like to speak with you now," Mr. Greer pushed the door open and gestured for me to enter at the same time all three boys exited the tiny room with their head hung in shame.

They know!

My eyes swelled with tears at the idea of my teachers and the like knowing something about me that I was hoping to keep a secret for a while longer.

"Have I done something wrong Mr. Greer?" I choked on every word like they were too large for my mouth when, in reality, I was horrified that they knew my secret, "Why was I brought here?"

Don't cry Ama. Just don't! What if they don't know?

The principal perched himself on the edge of his desk and looked me over, "Are you high Ama?" He adjusted his shirt cuffs, "There were a few people smoking marijuana and the pit monitor smelled it. We have to check everyone who was down there."

His questions were a relief despite his accusing tone. It was more like false hopes to guilt me into confessing to an act, I was not a part of.

For the first time, or so it seemed, in my sixteen years on Earth, I was not the problem. I just so happened to be in the incorrect place at the wrong time, and so lost in my own thoughts that I followed the crowd, and ended up being questioned about drug use.

They don't know, which gives you more time to figure out what to do. In the next few months, people are going to start to notice a baby bump Ama. Loose fitting sweaters and pajama pants won't hide it forever.