You Can't Break Her

Twenty-three| Supervised visit

September 1996

"Alright, Jessica, it's time to bring the visit to a close." Lana was firm with my mother - years of knowing her made it clear that it was the only practical course of action. "Amaris, pick up your toys and get your school bag together."

My mother rolled her eyes, making a rude noise. "You don't need to rush us." She put her hand behind my head, kissing my hair.

I tensed at her touch, flinching away. She didn't notice or chose to ignore it.

"It won't be like this forever, baby," she whispered.

My heart fluttered at the promise of us being together again. My mind did cartwheels over the idea of living the life I had become so accustomed to and found so normal.

We cleaned up the room our supervised visit was in and walked out to the parking lot together, where Patty was waiting in her car to pick me up.

Jessica wrapped her arms around me. I could feel her shaking, and I knew she was crying.

"Jessica, she has to go," Lana reminded her.

A flood of emotion-filled me, but I could do nothing. Paralyzed by my own emotions. "I love you, Mom."

I made eye contact as I sat in the back seat. Lana closed the door behind me.

That's when I lost my composure. "No! Mom!" I cried, watching her walk away. "I want to go home with you!"

I tossed my weight back and forth in the seat. Banging into the window a few times, I hoped they might feel bad enough for me to give me back. Stopping, I took a deep breath. Looking into the rearview mirror, I noticed Patty's eyes on me.

"You can't go home with her, It's not safe."

Scowling, I looked out the window, but she was gone.

Covering my face, I hoped to hide the emotions that were written all over it.