Finding Serenity

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"Why are you only staring at that envelope instead of reading it?" Han-na wondered while they were having coffee break at the rooftop of their hospital. "Are you scared to see the words she had written there?"

"I'm not scared," Yo Jung said, seriously staring at the envelope. "I'm thinking."

"Thinking about what?"

"Should I read this letter or not?" he sighed, shook his head, then said, "I'll just throw this and that watch she had given me."

Han-na seized the envelope from his hands and crumpled it, shocking him.

"See? You are upset," Han-na grinned, then tossed the crumpled envelope back at Yo Jung. "Read it then throw it afterwards. It's as simple as that. No regrets, right?"

Yo Jung let out another sigh before opening the envelope.

"Should I give you some time alone?" Han-na asked, teasing him.

"Stay. You should also read this letter," he said, taking the letter from the envelope.

"Should I read it out loud?" she asked, trying to annoy him.

He crumpled the envelope and quickly tossed it at her face.

"Hey!" Han-na reacted, catching the paper that hit her forehead. "Do you really want me to read that letter out loud?"

"Throw that away," Yo Jung smirked as he unfolded the paper in his hands. "I'll throw this paper away after reading it."

Han-na tried to snatch the letter away but Yo Jung quickly dodged her hands and moved away from her.

"I'll read it first," he said, leaning on the rooftop railings.

"Fine," Han-na said, standing beside him. "Read it first. It's your letter anyway."

Yo Jung took a deep breath, glanced at Han-na as if drawing resolve from her, then he finally read the letter in silence.

Yo Jung, my eldest, I know that words like sorry and forgive me are not enough to erase all the pain and anger I caused you. But still, I wanted to say I'm sorry. I had been weak. I promised myself that I will never be like my mother who caused our family to fall apart because she was always looking for money. My father did everything to give her all the money she wanted. But he died and left us penniless. Mother could not endure it and killed herself. She left me to suffer alone but I refused to surrender my life like she did. I will never be a pitiful woman like her. I strived hard and finished college. I was hired by your father and eventually, we got married. A year after our marriage, I gave birth to you. My life had been perfect but only for a fleeting moment. After a year, my perfect world slowly crumbled. Your father's company became unsteady and everything in our life became unstable... and that... was when I met Min Joo. We were both struggling at that moment. I wanted money and he wanted to have plenty of children.

At the beginning, we were only teasing each other. We became good friends until So Joon happened. It frightened me. I loved your father. I don't want us to break apart because of my mistake. I thought about aborting So Joon... but your father... learned that I was pregnant and thought that I was aborting the child because our business is failing. He stopped me with a promise that he will do his best.

He really did try his best. He recovered on his business, but three years after Ji Soo was born... his business started failing again. I had three kids. I could not go broke. Those thoughts made me paranoid and caused me to do crazy things. It turned me into the woman I hated the most. I ended up like my mother and ruined our family. I tried to evade the truth and put the blame on the people around me.

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