Finding Us Again

I'm Here. I'm Not Leaving.

We're solid in this moment. And always will be. She's not going to come between us. And she knows it. That's what really pissed her off today.

I know I had to get my mind off of her. It wasn't going to do anything but make me angrier.

I thought about the flash back I just had. And smiled a little.
While that memory was painful as hell. It was also such an amazing memory for me. Because of Edna. And Because of the love and compassion she showed me in that moment.
I'll never forget that. Ever.

I wonder if Ian knows about that? I thought to myself.
I was gonna have to ask him over dinner tonight.

I decided to change into some leggings and on of Ian's t-shirts and cook us some dinner.
Mama and Pops always ate with their friends on Wednesday. So I was gonna cook for Ian and I so they could go to dinner without worrying about us.

Plus it's Wednesday. Everybody will be here on Friday.
So tonight was really the only night we had to ourselves before the big family week started.

We had already gotten most of the food for the week.
But we still need a few things. Plus we needed some other things for it too. So we'd be going to get that stuff tomorrow.
Mama asked me over lunch if I'd help her get the house ready and of course I said yes.

We knew Paul and Phoebe and Candice and Joe would be staying in the guest rooms in the guest house with us. So we had to get the beds made up and stuff.
And get the rooms in the main house ready for my parents, Ian's aunt and uncle, Michael M and Matt.
Alex would probably crash on the couch in the guest house. So he could be with the boys.
Kayla, Zack, Travino, Steven & Kat where all staying at the hotel about 20 minutes away.

I was super excited about seeing everybody. We haven't all been together since the show ended. And I missed them. We all had so much fun together. We really were a big family. A big crazy, dysfunctional yet perfectly functional family. And we loved each other.
So it was going to be exciting as hell.
But it was also going to be crazy. Ian had to tell them. He had to tell them what happened. Because, just like with our parents, he didn't want them to find out from someone or somewhere else. Especially if it got out to the press. We always told each other big things before the rest of the world found out. That's just how we worked as a family. And as friends.
Plus we had to and wanted tell them about us. We knew they'd be happy. I knew how the most of them felt about him and Nikki. It wasn't a secret. And they definitely weren't shy about it.

So to say it was going to be an exciting yet crazy ass weekend was understatement.
The first day was going to be the craziest. Reuniting with everyone. And telling them everything. That was going to be the craziest day for sure.

So tonight I just wanted one more night of us. One more night of Ian and I in our perfect little bubble. One more night of Ian and I in our own little world. Enjoying each other. Enjoying being is again. And being back together. Before the absolute craziness of telling our family and the people closest to us about everything. Before being bombarded with questions about what happened between him and Nikki. About what's going to happen with them. The divorce. How Ian's feeling and handling all of it.
And how we ran into each other. And us spending time together. Questions about what we've been doing. How everything went.

Questions about what this means for us. What this means for our future. And if we've talked about it. If we've decided that we're really going to be all in this time.
If I'm ready for this. And about how I'm feeling about all of it and handling everything.

There was definitely, without a shadow of doubt, going to me 3,000 questions coming our way this week. And I was ok with it.

But I wanted to enjoy this one last night. This last night of peace. This last night of being in our own little world before then.
Because we wouldn't be getting another for a few days.

I text Mama and told her I was going to cook Ian and I dinner so she didn't have to worry about us eating tonight. And that she didn't have to cancel their plans. And she understood that I wanted one more peaceful night with my love before the rest of the family got here.
I asked her not to tell Ian. I told her I wanted to surprise him when he came out to check on me. She promised she wouldn't. And said she'd come say bye before they left.

I decided to make steak, grilled asparagus and baked potatoes loaded with sour cream, cheese, bacon and chives. With a nice fresh salad.
Ian and I cooked a similar meal our first week living together in our condo in Atlanta. And every year on the anniversary of that night we made the same meal.
And after we split I still made it on the anniversary.

I started cooking and setting the table. I put a couple candles on the table and picked a nice red wine to go with dinner.

I couldn't wait to see Ian's face.
He's already surprised me twice in the last week with a "date night". The night at the condo when we showed each other the memory boxes. The first night we were "together again". And then last night.
Two nights I know I'll never forget.

So tonight was my turn to show him some love. To show him I'm just as invested in us as he is.

I couldn't wait.
Looking around the guest house while I was waiting for my pans to heat up I couldn't take the smile off my face. I was so happy. Despite Nikki showing up. And being a completely disrespectful bitch earlier. I was completely happy.

This is my dream. I'm living out my wildest dreams right now. Being back with the love of my life. Starting over. Building our life together. That's my wildest dream. And I'm getting it.
This is definitely my blessing. And I'm never letting it go. Or taking it for granted.
I love him way to much to ever do that anyways.
I thought to myself as I started putting my food in the pans and getting it started.

Tonight is gonna be just like every night has been since Ian showed up at the condo. Perfect.