Finding Us Again

I'm Here. I'm Not Leaving.

After about 5 minutes, and think her realizing I wasn't really up for talking, she started to talk.

"I'm gonna go. I'm not leaving. I'm just gonna go sleep in the guest room. And give you your alone time." She said.
She kissed my forehead softly and stood up.

I reached out and grabbed her hand gently.

"Mama please don't. Please don't leave me. I don't wanna be alone. Can you sleep in here with me. Please?" I cried.

"If that's what you want, of course I will Nina." She said giving me a soft half smile.
She went over to the chair to take her jacket off and slide her flats off.
That's when I realized she was already in PJs. Plain black leggings, a green t-shirt and socks.
She walked around to the other side of the bed and when she climbed in a turned the lap off. The TV was still on.

"Do you want to leave the TV on?" She asked while pulling the covers over us.

"It doesn't matter. If you want to." I said.

"We can for now." She laid back on the pillows getting comfortable.

We laid there quite. I was just looking up at the ceiling, tears still sliding down my face.
I wiped a couple away and felt Mama take my hand.

"It might not seem like it now. Because of the pain. But you're going to be ok. And get through this. You're one of the strongest young women I've ever met. You'll be ok in time." She whispered while holding my hand to her chest.

"I don't think I will. I don't think I can." I whispered back and lost it. I couldn't help it.

She pulled me into her and wrapped her arms around me.
Holding close to her and tightly.

"I love him Mama. I love Ian. He's the love of my life." I sobbed into her chest.

"Oh baby I know. And so does he. He loves you Nina. And I believe you're the love of his life too. You're both just hurting right now. And he thinks this will make his hurt stop and go away. That's all." She said. She was running her jand down my back trying to sooth me.

"What did I do? How did I let this happen? I love him so much. My heart hurts. It's broken. I'm broken." I sobned.

"Shh. It's ok baby. Cry as much as you too. As much as you need to. It's ok." She said softly.

And I did just that. I cried. And cried and cried. While she tightly held me close to her.
The painful sounds escape my mouth reflecting the broken heart that in that moment I never thought would be mended again.

"Shh. It's ok. Let it out baby. Let it all out. Mama's here now. Mama's got you baby." She whispered softly. She was running her hand down the back of my head and playing with the ends of my hair, soothing me.

I eventually dozed off, with my head laying on Edna's chest, crying my heart out to the mother of the man that I was in love with, who was getting married to someone else.
------------------------------------------------------

I snapped out of the flash back and looked around the living room of the guest house.

I was still pissed off about Nikki showing up and disrespecting Mama and Pops and Ian like that. But I'll be damned if I let her ruin any of this for me.
Or for Ian. She's done enough damage. Now it was time for me to fix it. I'll never give her the pleasure of putting any doubts about us in my head. She doesn't have that kind of power over me.
Especially because I know the truth about us and our love. I know how deep Ian's love for me really is. I've always known.