Twenty one.

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I can't find any comfort into my bed as I lay awake in the middle of the night. After my previous actions I can't find any comfort. I know that things are bad between Mike and I but it went as far as me self harming and I don't think I have ever hit this low in life. My feelings for Mike haven't seemed to die down and I only hoped they would after all of these events but nothing is taken away. I still love him and care for him in a way that is hard to come by. I never really understood what it was like to be completely head over heels, in love with someone. Now I do. I know what it is like and I'm starting to think different about everything. 

What is the point in being in love?

If all you do is going to get hurt?

I reach over to grab my phone to see what time it is, 3:21 am. I lie my phone down, and turn over on my side as I think about everything.

Is this all worth it?

I close my eyes and try to force myself to sleep but I can see a light trying to blind me in the eye and when I open my eyes up, my phone is lit up. I have no desire to see who it is from, because why are they texting me this late at night? I have high hopes it is Juile and I need to check to see, just in case something is wrong and she needs me.

I grab my phone and turn down the brightness before anything else, and when I slide down my bar, I have a text from Mike. I don't want to open it but I know I have to. I want nothing more than to scream at him and let all my feelings out but I have to swallow them back. When I open his message, my heart flutters but it quickly dies down at the situation we are in.

"You left all of a sudden, I miss you. I am sorry about what happened between the known whore and I. I was intoxicated and I didn't know what I was getting myself into. You also kissed your ex? You told me all of your exes were useless to you. They are an ex for a reason, Addi."

I close out the text message without replying and fall asleep with big brown eyes looking at me.



When I confessed to Addison about what happened with Ashley, I didn't want to hurt her but I figured it was best to let her know about the situation. I was hoping for her to scream at me and give me some type of signal that she cares about me. She gave away nothing but the last comment as to her kissing her ex boyfriend. I try to think back at who in the hell she could have kissed because all of her exes are complete pieces of shit.


"Addi, have you ever been in love?" I ask out of curiousity.

"Yes." She simply states and I feel a slight sting of jeaoulsy washing over me.

"I was inlove with my hamster up until she ran away from me." She frowns.

Oh how I would love to take away that frown.

"You're such a goober. I mean for real." I say and look at her with an amused face.

"I am for real! My hampster was literally the best thing ever!" She squeals.

"Yeah, thats why she ran away, huh?" I bite back my laughter as I watch her get frustrated at our comebacks.

"You're being mean tonight. Will it kill you to be nice to me?" She pouts.

Oh how I would love to put those pouty lips to the test with mine.

"I am sorry." I laugh lighty. "I'm serious though, tell me about your past exes."

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