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All of Sunday, I am left in my room. I have nothing to say or anything to do. When I get up to use the restroom, I see nothing but a lifeless girl looking back at me in my mirror. I haven't bothered acting as if everything is okay, because in reality it's not. I am trying my best to muster up the words to let someone know and get help, but I'm finding it hard to do so. What can I tell them? I fell for a guy who lives across the U.S and that he consumes my mind with everything I do? I'm starting to feel crazier as the days go on and I have only recieved one text message from Mike. He tells me he can't wait to talk to me later on and catch up on things but only thing that runs through my mind is, 

How was your time with Hailey?


Monday comes around and I have been sick to my stomach when I woke up this morning, not only am I facing on another day but I am facing the day when I get to see Hailey. I know it's only a matter of time when she brings up Mike in our class. I think to myself about how I don't want to know about their weekend, and I would rather just not know. It will only make things worse and I can't believe that Mike is using me like that. He couldn't, 

Could he?

I have felt brainless the whole day and I don't find myself paying attention to anything that is happening around me. It's almost as if I am in my own little world. Begging for help and no one seems to be listening. It's like I am screaming on the inside for somone to come and help me but no one seems to notice.

I can see the water coming near me as I stand alone in a tiny white room. Nothing seems familiar, and all I can think about is Mike running through my head. I am screaming for his help but nothing seems to be coming out of my mouth. I can't muster up any sentence and all I can hear is the demons within me fighting against each other. I feel coolness against my knees and I see the water coming up at a fast rate. When I look back up, I see Mike there in the corner of the room. He looks about 8 years old. He's crying and the only thing I can notice is a big knot on the side of his face and he's covering it up with his hand. He's looking dead at me and I want to move towards him but I can't. I notice that not only are my tears are on left onto my cheek but the water now has arised to my chin. Mike is no longer there and now I am facing this by myself. The water has passed my mouth and inches away from the celing and I finally find my voice. I scream and scream for someone to help me but no one comes. No one comes as the last few inches fill up the tiny space taking me away.

I notice I am in my English class and I am in such a daze that I forgot where I was and that I have no idea how I ended up in my seat but I look over at Juile and she gives me a soft understanding smile. She doesn't understand though, no one does.

I am now faced with Hailey infront of me and she wastes no time talking to my other classmate about her weekend. I have the feeling where a lump is in my throat and it's making me hard to understand what she is saying. I catch a few things, all she has mentioned is a new band, how Mike and Vic fought about the tiniest stuff but had the greatest bond of all time and she was amazed how two brothers got along so well. She made the comment about how Mike's tattoo's intrigued her and how Vic had none. It made her get all into detail about one of Mike's tattoo's and why she liked it so much. I can feel the heat in my cheeks and I flush at how ridiculous this is. I am crying over somone whom I have never met and who doesn't care about me. He doesn't give not one single fuck about me and I have to accept that. That I have to hide away my feelings for his safety. I can't let him know how I am feeling or else it would ruin his and Hailey's relationship. I want nothing but the best for him so I plug in my headphones and block out everything.


I come home to find myself completely drained and I do nothing else but crawl into my bed. I have nothing more to give, all my motives have run dried. I can't do anything but watch their relationship blossom and be strong enough to encourage him to do so. If tonight is the night that I end things with Mike I need to get everything out of me and know that this is what is best. Thats when I imagine those big brown eyes looking at me through the laptop screen.

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